I'm having a great week at camp. I'm exhausted, my arms hurt, I have rope burn on my stomach from belaying for those who were climbing the tower, I have a blister on my foot that reminds me of texas - more the size than the shape, My butt, thighs, calves, and abs are on fire from hiking all day everyday, I don't have a laundry bag anymore - I have a bag that has a giant pile of sweat with some clothes in it, I showered yesterday - but it was worthless since I smell even worse today than I did before it, and I'm exhausted beyond belief. It's been a great week at camp all things considered.

One of my campers accepted Christ on Monday night. He was talking to me last night and he said, "Right after I accepted Christ, I looked up and saw you praying at the altar, and I knew there had to be a connection." That makes my blister seem a lot more like Rhode Island than Texas. A girl in my family group told us that she is usually made fun of at school, but she isn't made fun of here. That makes showering seem so unimportant. My living group worked with the exceptional "Sparrowood" campers last night and showed Christ's love to the mentally challenged people. My sweaty bundle of what used to be my clothes doesn't seem that important anymore.

All of my campers are obvisouly postmodern. We had a question and answer time - and every camper voiced that they felt that Hindus and Muslims still get to heaven if their faith is sincere. I explained my most conservative belief - Jesus is the only path to God. All other beliefs fall short. My co-leader, Martha, and I shared our testimonies - it was a really great time of sharing and hearing people's doubts. I'm excited about the prospects for this week. I'm also hoping that this blister goes away.

Well, my first day of summer camp has concluded. I am excited about the prospects for the summer. My campers for this week are all really fun.

I have 2 pastor's kids. One who learned to cope and one who didn't. A gay kid, 3 punk rockers, a huge sports fan, etc. I have 6 guys who are longing for something more, I would say that the majority of my guys haven't yet even made a decision to follow Christ - don't get me started on spiritual maturity. I love being surrounded by hurting people who need Christ. I'm glad that the gay kid is in my group - he immediatley started off by telling me that he didn't believe everything in the Bible. Most people would argue with him, but I realize that he probably doesn't disagree with the Bible - just when people use it to justify hate. I agree with him on that point. I feel that I can help each of these guys grow closer to God. It's an exciting thing.

I brought my friend Dustin down to camp Glisson from Toccoa for the weekend. The poor kid is stuck there for weeks without anyone to hang out with. We went to The Davinci Code. I liked the movie a lot, and can see both sides of the argument. I could see a great number of very confused people seeking out answers that don't exist. It is a fun story to tell, and really a page turner in book form I'm sure. I don't entirely know that the church should have made such a big deal about it. Although it is very harsh on catholicism, this book won't phase Christianity as a whole.

Tomorrow I am taking Dustin back to Toccoa and going to the early service at my church. I will get my first campers of the summer. My co (Martha) and I have planned a fun week for our senior high campers, I have done several weeks of camping, and am well prepared. I am, however, not a little bit nervous. Each of these kids will be in high school. I remember those days - where baggage just isn't cool. Everyone has to pretend that he or she has everything together. In college, especially being surrounded by great Christian men and women - I have learned so much about myself and my walk with God because I have been able to get rid of baggage. So how do I communicate a message of healing and help to kids who refuse to admit their brokeness? I have one week to get a message of a savior who loved each and everyone of them so much that he was willing to die, even on a cross, for him or her. How do I balance that all out? Why should they listen to me? I'm only a year or two older than most of these guys, and I don't really have my life that much more together. I love God, and I know that this is what He has for my life. I hope to struggle victoriously with these people - to go with them in this journey of hope.

See, I'm a United Methodist, and we believe that each person is on a path. My hope is that I can help people move on that path towards God. We United Methodists are all moving in the same direction. Some are in the left hand lane, some in the right, but we all move towards God. We hope to pick up hitch hikers - we hope to pick up each other. We aim to love - victoriously.

I just read my blog from yesterday. I apologize for that one. I was so ridiculously tired. We had a camp out the night before, and I slept through a hike and lunch after that. Last night I took a "half-hour" nap and woke up the next day. I feel a little bit better this morning.

We broke into our groups for the summer with whom we will work. I love everyone in my group. None of the handfull of people I don't think I would work well with are in my group. I'm very relieved that at least my first week will be with someone I get along with well.

I am enjoying Bill Beatty's blog on Grace. It should be a multi-part section. You should check it out. It is very interesting. I want to write a small one section blog on my personal views on grace. I once had a girl break up with me because of my view on grace. I'll probably include that story, too. I like Grace a lot. A whole lot.

I'm bringing a friend from Toccoa down to camp for the weekend. At least I will have another Yankee here with me.

I wrote a post yesterday that didn't publish. I feel like I need a nap, but I have already slept for 5 hours today after breakfast. I'm not feeling well anymore. I wrote only a little bit. I have training for the high ropes course today, and I need to feel confident doing that before I would ever take campers up there.

We had sexual ethics training yesterday by the woman who wrote the book on "Safe Sanctuaries." My favorite quote was what a man gave told her. He said:
"I don't have to listen to another God Damned word you have to say because you are a radical feminist from the pit of Hell: Candle Theological Seminary.
Her Response:
"Well, I might be a radical feminist, but I went to Emory Law School."

She is a clergy person who is working her way through seminary, but she is actually a lawyer. It was a really fun training session. More about it later.

We just came down off the mountain this morning. We had our practice camp out. It wasn't a whole lot of fun. Rebecca had to take herself to the hospital last night and I was just a little bit upset. Then a kid started leading games, and the first thing he did was to make fun of someone for how he looked. I lost all respect - which I have been told is a good thing in this case. He has since made fun of jews, blacks, gays, and asians. Oh well, not everyone is a winner.

We played a weird varient of silent football. Everything is done secretly and no girls are allowed to no about its existence. The guys here get pretty cultish about it. I don't think I'm going to play it anymore. One great addition that they play is that they allow people to take on one another's penalties. I still don't think I will play anymore. Well, off to breakfast.

It's a two post kind of day.

People gave their testimonies today in chapel. I didn't get a chance to share mine, but I am glad, because I have decided to share it with all of you. I believe that Christians need to share their story of faith more often.

I grew up in a Christian house. My mom was a United Methodist organist and I was in the church everyday growing up. I thought for a long time that attending church was good enough. My sister was always perfect (at least I thought. Come to find out she got a B once in a class and no one ever told me. I love her now.) and I could never live up to the standards she set. It didn't help that my parents wanted me to be in the exact same activities she had participated in.

I got "saved" at church camp when I was 10 or 11. I became really judgemental towards others - especially those outside of the Christian faith, but also those who were Christians but weren't Jesus Freaks. I was so unloving, and now I look back on it and cringe. I gave everything over to God when I was 14 at a summer camp. I guess that's an unfair statement because to this day I still hold some things back, but I gave up my judgement seat and that has made all of the difference.

I went through a lot of really hard times before and after I became a Christian. I work at an elementary school and I was working with a 4th grader: He had read every biography in the library. I had done that by third grade. He was very intelligent but picked on so much that he was a recluse. I hated everyone in my class. He cut himself to get rid of the pain. I did, too. This kid was me when I was in 3rd grade. I wanted to look him right in the eyes and tell him about my life. I think if I hadn't accepted Christ as my savior I probably would have killed myself. I know it's hard to hear - I was alwas so happy, etc. But, it's the truth. God saved my life literally and actually. I still want to tell that kid that living for yourself is stupid - Christ is the difference that took me from there to where I am now.

I try and live my life for God now. I sometimes look back at my life and just stand in awe. Christ has used me so much just because I have been willing to love others. Here I stand, I have been a Christian for 8 or 9 years now. I am a liberal, evangelical, social justice United Methodist going for a degree in missions. WTF? God has taken me to Russia, India, China, the mountains of Georgia, and so many other place. It kills me when someone refuses to accept Christ because he or she doesn't want to give up fun things. Living in Christ is so amazingly fun. We sang a song in chapel tonight about being undignified for Jesus, and letting it all hang out. We all skipped around the chapel and made fools of ourselves. It was great. Who needs hangovers, when you can have that same ecstatic feeling with joy in the morning?

I have finally recieved all of my grades for this last semester. My GPA is 3.28. I am happy that I kept above a 3.0. I have finally realized that all that matters is my own happiness and peace of mind. If I work my butt off for grades who does it prosper? What's the point if I don't enjoy life. I will, however, probably make it a top priority to attend all of my classes next semester. I have already started to plow through my textbooks for next semester for which I only need a reading report. I am halfway through with one already, and excited about a few others. If I finish all of the reading nowI will just have projects, studying, and tests to worry about. I would like to also finish chapter summaries, but if it doesn't happen it doesn't happen.

I feel so free here. I am completely surrounded by Methodists. Almost everyone here is actively involved in a United Methodist church. There is so much less legalism to worry about here. It is exciting just to watch people reveling in the freedom of Jesus Christ. I love the people here, and am excited to continue to work with them. This church camp is amazing. Everything is beautiful. They are constantly doing little updates and repainting, and the buildings that are falling apart and landscaped so as to look like part of an intricate design.

Well, I am being eaten alive working outside with the wireless. Can't wait until the staff lounge is operational so that I can work inside. I love wireless!!!!1 WoOt!!!!1111

I have strange friends. I realize that this is probably a direct result of ministering to, with, and for the fringe. Just thinking of the people I take with me to church during the school year - an omni-sexual, an athiest, a child predator, a pastor's kid, and communists. All of these people exist at a Christian college. We're hitting the fringe pretty hard with our ministry. We just keep attracting more people. I think that my church is actually loving enough to accomadate all of them.

My friend Dustin thanked me last night for not smelling as fat as I look. He was just very glad that I don't smell like most people my size. I thought he was the weirdest person ever until Jon piped up from the next room as word of affirmation. What? I didn't now that fat people had their own scent. They were both so sincere about it, too. I think I'm going to start including that on my on-line dating profile (i don't really have an on-line dating profile) "doesn't smell like a fat person!"

I went with my friend Jon to pick out a church for his wedding. His fiance is in PA already for the summer, and leaving for Thailand in a few days. We got some pretty strange looks from secretaries. Until, that is, Jon mentioned his fiance, Ann; his Southern Baptist preacher father; and the fact that I was just there because Ann trusted my judgment more on decorating than her fiance.

I smoked a pipe last night. I have always wanted to just to be like C.S. Lewis. I probably would have looked much more refined had I not been in a cemetary trying to keep it lit by avoiding the wind! It was a fun experience, and we learned that I am much better at lighting a pipe than my friend Dustin. I had 6 people over last night for dinner. No one else enjoyed my desert, but it is still one of my favorites.

I love life. I start work tommorow with two weeks of training. I think I will really enjoy it. I probably won't be able to post as much over the summer. What will you all do? I hope no one has Michael withdrawal while I am away.

I start work on Wednesday. I will have a two weeks of training. I think I want to really work on forming some really great friendships. I'm excited to meet all of the other devoted United Methodist college students. Today was my last Sunday at my church for a while.
I love my church. The people there are all so beautiful to me. They have done so much for me. We passed out roses to all of the mothers. It was really hard to be away from my mom again this year. Last year, I was in Russia and didn't have a chance to even call home. It was really hard living with Yelena Nicholivna who neither loved nor cared for me. It was so hard being away from my mom because of that. It was a lot easier this year to deal with it because I had a church full of people who love me.

Jon, David, and I all made independent trips for groceries today for our apartment. (I'm only living here for a week.) I met Jon at Wal-mart and didn't buy anything he had. I decided to take my friend Dustin to Wal-mart, he will be living on campus for the summer. I hope he doesn't go crazy not having a break fromall of the legalism. I hope that camp Glisson takes a much more United Methodist approach to things.

I get to sleep in tomorrow. Yea!

I'm so tired my eyes are going crossed. I finished moving everything I own from one place to another. My pack-rat roomate took 6 1/2 hours to move everything from our room into the hallway. Not down stairs or into a car. It took me 1 1/2 hour to move everythign down 3 flights of stairs by myself and to get everything packed into my car. (My life fits into my car except my bookshelf.) My roomate asked me not to bring a chair back with me next fall. He thinks it takes up too much space. All of the room under the bed, on the bookshelves, in the corners, and everywhere else is his crap (snow globes, lava lamps, unplayed guitar, unread books, unused life, etc.) I don't know why I am so frustrated by little things. I read once (forget which book) of a missonary who could never live with anyone. He said that , "the more I love humanity in general the more I dislike humans in particular." Sad, but true.

I cooked dinner for 9 people today. It was exciting, and everyone said the meal was great. I'm doing it again on Monday and Tuesday.

We had a moving night and watched "Ringu 2" (in Japanese) and then DodgeBall. Well, I have church early in the morning. Love you, goodnight.

Times of transition are difficult. I am moving out for the summer, finishing up my last final, saying goodbye to my new friends/teachers/mentors/church family etc. Some of my really good friends are moving out for good. I might not see them again for many years. Kelly and I just broke up a little over a week ago and we definetly deal with things like this. She is accusing me of being an angry person - something that I have worked on a lot and am not anymore. It causes much pain.

In all of this transition I cling to the fact that I have a loving comforter. My transitions will be so easy compared to others. A kindergarten girl I work with will be taken away from her neglectfull mother this week. Neither she nor her mother have Christ in their lives in any real sense. While she is being pushed from one foster care home to another to whom will she cling? What love will sustain her through this time that no 6 year old should have to go through? What if any of the 50+ churches within a 10 mile radius of her house had done their job and told Katie's mom about Jesus? What if one of the 15+ churches within a mile radius of her home would have shared love? What if Katie never had to go hungry because those neighbors who love Christ were feeding her?


My friend Judson has some wonderful quotes that I love on his wall:
I always want to ask God why He allows poverty and suffering when He could do something about it. Why don't you ask Him? Because, I'm afraid He will ask me the same question.

We are an Easter people and Hallelujah is our song. - John Paul II

Judson and another guy, John Jordan, are going to live in the Ghetto of Toccoa to tell them about Jesus. Their love for the poor of this town is my "hallelujah song."

I'm a dirty whore. I hope that no 8 year old finds this blog to read that word, but it's the truth. I realize how awkward this must sound coming from a college aged guy who is single and celibate, but really I'm a whore.
I re-read my favorite bible story today. Hosea was told by God to marry a prostitute. In The Message she is referred to as a whore. Then Gomer, his wife, bears 3 children and leaves him to be a prostitute.
God tells Hosea to buy her back from whichever guy she was with, and Hosea bought her back.

Everytime I turn my back on God I remember this story. This line where God says, "Hey, you're a whore - but I love you enough to send my son to die in your place." I might be able to die for a few select friends if the situation arose, but would I be willing to die for a prostitute? Here God sends the very clear message that our sin makes us comparable to a common whore in the eyes of God. But, for some reason he loves us. He was willing to buy us back at a very high (the highest) price of his only Son.

Although I am a virgin, and don't sin excessively or habitually - I still realise that I am a whore somedays. Praise God, He is willing to buy me back.

In my normal thought pattern process I have been both thinking about marriage and a Christmas interpretive dance today. Both things far in the distant future - neither thing helping me to prepare for finals week. Well, maybe the marriage thing has helped me.

I have been reading Missionary Biographies all day. It is for my Monday Final. I read today of a missionary/martyr Dr. Eleanor Chestnut. She was a medical missionary in China. She built a hospital with her own money, but amputated a poor chinese man's leg in her own bathroom for lack of the completed hospital. There were complications and he needed skin grafts. She cut the skin off her own legs to make the skin grafts - with nothing but a local aneasthetic! I began to think about what I want in a wife. I want a woman who will describe herself (in the words of Mother Teresa) "As to my calling, I belong to the whole world. As to my heart, I belong entirely to Jesus." I want to marry a woman who will give herself entirely to the people we work with. If my wife and I are ever kidnapped and forced on a death march (I read 5 such stories today) I want to have married a woman who can saw my gangrenous(sp) leg off while looking me in the eye and telling me not to look at it, but rather to look at Jesus.

(Maybe I think about these things because I go to TFC where "Ring by Spring" isn't an expression it's a way of life.) I want to marry a woman who is equally called to missions. I want my wife to be a co-labourer - not someone I dragged onto the mission field with me. I want a wife who'se heart is totally given to God and totally called to missions.

For my Christmas interpretive dance I want to use the Relient K song "I celebrate the Day" The general gist is "the first time that you opened your eyes did you know that you would be my Savior? " It is sung to baby Jesus. I really want to have the youth choir director on stage with the drama kids rehearsing the Christmas pageant (in general - mass chaos as the director tries to get everything under control.) Then she will release that Baby Jesus is missing. Someone will get him and everyone else will freeze. Then the person would bring the Baby in and sing the song while putting him in the manger. People would go back to chaotically running about and one at a time go to the manger and bow to the King. At the end they would all sing Away in the Manger. I can almost envision it now. Almost.

Both random topics that I can't fathom why they are on my mind. I am in a deeply reflective mood this week. Darn, Finals.

I've decided that I want to be controversial. - Yep, that sounds like my blog ending!

I don't like Health, Wealth, and Prosperity Gospel enthusiasts. I get downright angry at them sometimes. We discussed how funny it was that the (only) verse they use to support their belief was written in an epistle discouraging people from listening to distorted views of the truth.

I have some fairly liberal views. I don't believe that they go against the Bible. I realize that some of them are difficult to reconcile with one or two specific verses, but if you look at the Bible as a whole I believe that my belief system is very plausable. You can't claim to have read anything Jesus ever said and still subscribe to the Health, Wealth, and Prosperity doctrine.

Here's my problem. People get angry at me for my beliefs - because they feel that they contradict the Bible. However, few if any people have a problem with the kid who drives a Hummer, or the ones that drive cars they owe more than $5000 on. Why do people have a problem with my theological musings and questions, but don't care about the day to day hereticism of their fellow college student's lives? Why do people stand so opposed to me and my sincerely lived out beliefs, but have no problem with kids who fill their lives with greed, lust , and hatred but profess a more conservative theology.

OK, I get it. Life's not fair. It's never going to be fair. Good, I got it. Why, though, do I find myself apologizing all the time to non-Christians for how Christians have treated them? I realize that I, as a Christian, will suffer persecution - but why should non-Christians be persecuted by Christians. If we ourselves can't live out morality in Christ's image how do we expect those outside the church to do it?

I just wish Christians would be a little bit nicer to non-Christians. I think Christ would. No, I know Christ would.

Kelly and I broke up last night. I'm handling everything pretty well, and I think she is, too. I don't think either of us really needed this right now with finals coming up. I think that I am content to be single for a little while. I just don't think dating is that important for me where I'm at now.

I still have a huge project due tomorrow and a speech to give that I'm not ready for at all. Oops. I remember thinking last week about how easy this week would be. That happens. I think I sneezed and got whiplash from it. My neck hurts really bad.

I had a really good day at work today. A lot of kids who just want to read better. It was nice to get to choose whom I wanted to work with. Some days you get kids who don't care. I read with only one of those kids today. I let him just skip entire pages. I know it isn't the proper thing to do, but he must be dyslexic or something. He needs special help.

I want a nap, but have so much work left to do.

I'm two days and 20 some odd pages from handing in a Dr. Fred Smith project. The urge to e-mail this is too great. I just want to type Fsmith (@tfc.edu) so bad right now. I don't hate the project.
I just feel like I've been Smithed again.

My friends Jon and Nathan told me that they see Christ in me. It was exciting. They are about as conservative as a person can be, and we argue politics often - it means so much to me that they disagree with so much of my politics and even religious views, but still be able to tell me that they know I love Christ. I thank God they resist the urge to label me as a heretic or self-condemn me to Hell. (Stranger things have happened. It's Georgia, you know.)

I got two hours of gratis (work detail - from the root word "free") for missin a mandatory meeting. I had a previous committment to a ministry in Gainesville. It wouldn't bother me except that I don't have any money or spare time. I think that we should be shown more grace, but that's probably why I'm a liberal. I will never understand how people can think in such legalistic terms. Wait, yes I can. I did just that for several years. I guess I will just have to continue to pray for them.