... like a little child ...

15People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have him touch them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. 16But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 17I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

And I find so much conviction in this verse. And I find so much truth in this verse. I'm convicted because I try so hard to be anything but a child. I find so much truth because deep down I want to be five.

At drama practice a little kid came in and started running around the sanctuary. His name is Alec and he's one of those spoiled brats that can make a strict disciplinarian cry tears of shame. We had used the microphones and when he found out they were on there was no stopping him. We were working on something important and I asked him to please leave. He absolutley refused to leave and started screaming into the microphone. I picked him up (I am literally 3 times his size, after all) and placed him (gently) outside of the sanctuary. He came running back in and started screaming into the mic. I gathered all of my courage and (in my deepest man voice) told him that I would "tell his grandmother you sassed me!" I tried so hard to be both an adult and southern and it failed horribly.

Well, I did tell his grandmother. She made her daughter force the boy to give me a tearful apology. I felt so vindicated. I had such an urge to be the adult that I forgot that Jesus said so emphatically not to hinder the children from coming to Him.

I also know that my biggest dream is to be a kid again. I want to run and laugh and not have to worry about everything so much. I won't lie. I yelled at Alec because deep down my biggest desire is to stand in front of that mic and sing off key or just start talking gibberish to hear the bigness of my own voice.

We live in a country where almost everyone is dissatisfied with their lives. I'm just guessing, but I don't think that's part of God's desire. Sex never satisfies, drugs only numb, and learning only carries you so far. We live in a hurting, fallen world. What if we all tried being more childlike. What if we all skipped like no one was looking, danced like we hadn't taken lessons, sang like key and pitch didn't matter, and laughed like we didn't have a complex about our laugh?

I think this is the very heart of worship and the essence of the gospel. We have a God so filled with love that he doesn't expect us to attain a certain level of knowledge before we can become his followers. He has love enough (and judgement enough) to demand the opposite. "the foolish shall shame the wise." It's a humility thing. What statement could hold more pride than the assertion that one understands God. What statement could hold more humility than rightly ascerting that one can in no way understand the creator of all things - but chooses to follow anyway.

We currently judge spiritual maturity by the national rank in Bible quizzing or doctoral degrees in theology. That's stupid. That's not biblical. Jesus doesn't say that we need to enter like a child and then grow up really fast.

This weekend I frolicked in the grass, played on the train tracks, and went skinny dipping. I think next weekend I will watch Veggie Tales, eat cereal for dinner, and swing on the swingset. Maybe the weekend after that I will try to let go of a few of my concerns and hand them over to God. I still let my mom do my taxes ... why wouldn't I let God figure out my finances?