Ashley and I were classmates and we were both thirteen when the rumors went around our school that she had gotten pregnant and that she had an abortion.  I was a Christian, and after I heard the rumors, I told her that she was going to hell for murdering her baby.

I don't know if the rumors were true.  I don't know if she ever was pregnant, or if she had an abortion.  But I know that what I did and what I said was wrong.  I denied the power of Christ with my words.  I was so proud of myself for "taking a stand" and now, when I look back on what I said, I am so ashamed of the fact that I said that to her.  

If the rumors were true, she certainly needed a Christian friend to talk to openly and honestly - and I wasn't that.  

We believe the radical Gospel that Jesus loves sinners.  We believe that Jesus forgives whores and murderers and that Jesus welcomes them into heaven before us.  And with all of those beliefs tucked away in my heart, I told her the exact opposite.  I told her that her sins were too great to be forgiven.  I told her that she was going to hell.

----

As we continue our discussion on Evangelism, let's talk about the brutal reality that, like Peter, we deny Christ sometimes.  I don't know how often we openly deny Christ, I hope that we never find ourselves with so little faith that we deny God's existence or we turn our back completely on our faith, but our actions and our words often paint a picture that says that we believe something different than what we say we believe. 

--

Peter was so sure of himself.  Cocky and foolish.  Proud and stubborn.  When Jesus says that he will betray three times, Peter immediately denies this possibility.

A pastor friend once said that he only faced temptation in three circumstances.
1.) When he is at the bottom - when he is depressed and things in his life are going poorly
2.) When he is at the top - when everything is going well and everyone likes him
3.) the times in the middle.

Well, the temptation to deny Jesus is here - it is present.  Certainly at least once someone asked you where you go on Thursdays and you said, "to the movies" or perhaps you've never told your parents about Pilgrims ... well, each of us face different temptations and handle things in a different way.  Sometimes we are ashamed of our faith, or the way that our family practices their faith.  I was often embarrassed of the fact that no one in my family drank.  I didn't see alcohol until I was a teenager - but with my friends I would always say that of course I had tried beer.      

--

Today's scripture finds us in the courtyard as Jesus is being tried.  Rumors fly between the men and the servant girls whisper - but Peter needs to be close to Jesus.  He stands in the courtyard hoping to see his Lord one more time.  But this is a dangerous place to be.  If your Lord can be put to death, certainly you can be put to death as well.    

----

The first is a servant girl.  A child perhaps.  She says simply that she had seen Peter with this Jesus that was being tried inside.

Have you ever noticed how many horror movies are about creepy children?  Children can be terrifying.  This young girl could never beat up Peter, but her words could have condemned him to death.

Peter's denial is swift and thoughtless.

He really doesn't have a choice, does he?  He just says the first thing that comes to mind.  

----

I served a small church for a short time as a student pastor.  I was out walking around our village rather late in the evening.  I walked by one house that I knew well and saw that all of the lights were still on.  I had been to this house many times in my short time.  Most of the people who lived in the house had been in jail at one time or another, the three or four young children were left to take care of themselves (the number of children living with their father changed often depending on the weekly court decisions.)

Some of the teenagers who lived there were sitting on the front porch and invited me in to help.  The adults of the house had left several hours ago and left a 14 year old girl in charge of all of the children.  There wasn't any control, and I came in and sat all of the children down to do their summer school homework.  In between diaper changes and loads of laundry, all four of the summer school students got their math homework done and the 8 and 10 year-olds got ready for bed and I sang them a goodnight song.  I was feeling like quite an accomplished Mr. Mom as I finished the dishes and cleaned up the house with the older teenagers.

When I heard the roar of vehicles, I looked up to see that it was 1 in the morning.  The father came in first, with two guns hung on either shoulder and a gun in each hand.  His girlfriend followed with a whole suitcase full of guns.  And I joke about guns some time and I joke about the idea that Americans are gun crazy and my family has a few guns so maybe even we are crazy - but I had never seen anything like this before in my life.  There were all kinds of guns.  Big guns, little guns, automatic guns.

Everyone excitedly explained that the girlfriend's father had been arrested and they went to his house to get the guns and money before the police got there to search.  They woke up the 8 year old and the 10 year old so that they could see all of the guns.  It was one in the morning and the whole house was awake.  The guns were laid out like a breakfast buffet on the table.

And I left.  I didn't know what to do and I was scared that someone would get shot and I didn't know what to do so I left.  Well, thankfully the police made it there before I had a chance to call them and the situation was dealt with.  But, you know, I had about a million things that I wanted to say to the adults of that house.  I wanted to talk to them about paying attention to their kids, about helping them with their studies, about not having dozens of guns sitting around ... a million things - but I didn't say anything.  I should have picked up the children and left with them.  I should have called the cops immediately.  But I just froze.  I did the first thing that came to mind, and I showed who I really was. I showed that I was selfish and was looking out for myself above everyone else.  

Sometimes our silence betrays what we believe.  Sometimes our fear catches in our throats and we can't say anything that we want to.  I left six children in a dangerous situation because I was afraid that I would get hurt.  Because I was afraid to speak up.  I went with my first response and it was wrong.

And the young girl says that Peter was one of Jesus' followers and he immediately says, "No, not me."

[extinguish one candle]

The second time a servant girl accuses him of being one of Jesus disciples, he gives an oath.

I had promised in writing that while I was an exchange student in Russia that I wouldn't drink alcohol. Well, of course, I was living in Russia and I drank vodka with my friends.  I only drank a few times and never too much.  But I knew that it was wrong, I knew that I had given my word and signed my name, and I chose to do that.

Later, when I was telling me sister about my first time drinking, I gave all the excuses.  It's a funny story, and someday I might tell it - but I'll just say that there was a lot of pressure for me to drink.  I was telling my sister and I said, "so it wasn't even really my fault" and my sister got so angry with me.  Now, by this time she was a seasoned drinker and she wasn't angry that I drank.  She told me, "Michael, take responsibility.  You chose to drink.  No one held you down.  This was your decision."

She was right.  I signed a promise that I wouldn't drink during the program and I broke that promise and I needed to admit that.

And the second time a servant girl's gossip got him in trouble, Peter said, "I swear to you, I do not know that man."

[extinguish another candle]

---

I have this friend who loves making jokes.  He says that every time he got caught sinning he would just say, "I'm not sinning, I'm building my testimony."

This is the challenge of believing in a Gospel of grace.  We are not moralists who believe that by being good we will be saved - we believe that God really forgives our sins - no matter how many of them there are or when.  But the challenge is, how do we not look like "them."  I have the freedom in Christ to drink alcohol, but as soon as I drink too much and start slurring my words, I'm clearly sinning against God and others and I'm hurting my testimony.

Pastor Volodya and I decided that we needed to go where the people were.  Volodya came to me and said that we needed to go to a bar and talk to people.  That we couldn't hide inside the walls of this student center - that we had to be with students.  So we went to a bar - and the first bar we visited, I kid you not, we walked in and the whole bar said, "Michael!"  I'd never been to that bar before in my life, but a whole group of my friends was there and a whole table of my students from the university.  I worked the room, going from table to table greeting my friends and talking with them.  Volodya didn't want to go to any more bars with me after that.

If you're really good, God won't love you any more than God loves you if you're really bad.  As Christians, we choose to live holy lives because we celebrate God's great love.  We choose to work for a more holy society because we want others to see our God.

And Peter is brought with the final accusation - that he even sounds like Jesus.  That he talks the same way.

And I can't get the image of the woman caught in adultery out of my head.  The men who trapped her having sex.  The man she was having sex with who wasn't dragged forward to be stoned.  The crowd gathered around waiting for their chance to throw stones and condemn the whore to death.

Peter is trapped.  He shrugged off the first accusation without thinking, the second gave him pause, but he had to - right? But this third accusation - it's serious.

Everything Jesus has said.  he heard every word.  His feet are covered with the feet of the rabbi Jesus from walking behind him.  He watched Jesus heal and feed and raise people from the dead. He listened to every one of Jesus' sermons and he had late night conversations with Jesus and he spoke just like Jesus.
---
Living in Christ, it changes us.  It changes us radically and not everyone will like those changes.

When you stood up against the power of the former regime, you made whole countries tremble.  You followed God's leading on your lives and you stood up for your dignity and the dignity of your nation - and this made a ton of people super uncomfortable.  I'm so proud of you.

Living in Christ, it changes you.  The next time you stand up against a bully, you will see how unpopular that is - but you will see how very right it is.  When you quote the words of Jesus about topics like money, greed, and power - well, you'll make some enemies really fast and you'll get a lot of strange words.

---
 And so Peter does the only thing that he can, he tries his best not to sound like Jesus.  He uses every Russian swear word he knows and says vile filthy things like the fisherman that he was would have said.  And he saves his life by denying Christ.  When we make others uncomfortable because Christ has changed us, sometimes we are tempted to go back, to do things the way we used to do it.  To deny Christ.

---

And I can't get the image out of my head of the woman caught in sin.  Lying on the ground, wrapped in a sheet - crying, terrified, facing death.  And Jesus stands between her and the mob.  He bends down, and he writes in the sand.

And Jesus asks that whoever is without sin can throw the first stone - and one by one those men they go away.  But, and this is the part that we miss -

who was the one who was without sin?

Who was the one who could have thrown that first stone?

Jesus.

Jesus should have thrown the first stone at that woman.  He was sinless and blameless and a dirty naked whore was brought to his feet - and he had every right to put her to death for her sins.
--
But Jesus doesn't.

We always read the story of Peter's denial with such shame and guilt.  Peter felt awful for denying Jesus.
--
Two men betrayed Jesus that night.  Peter and Judas both betrayed Jesus.
--
Judas chose his own path, chose to hold on to his guilt and shame and killed himself.  Peter chose to turn back to Jesus. Peter chose to reverse his denial.
--
because this is part of our testimony.  Man, I messed up - but thank God, Jesus forgives me.  I'm not perfect, I'm just forgiven.  This is exactly what we believe.  This is how scandalous the Gospel is.  Jesus should have thrown the first stone, but he didn't.  Peter probably should have felt so guilty that he killed himself like Judas - but Jesus came for him and restored his life.  We should have been the ones on that cross - we deserve to die for our sins.  But we don't.  we live eternally with Christ because of Christ's sacrifice.  This is the scandal of the Good News.  We deserve hell and punishment and torture - and Christ takes all of that away and give us eternal life.

You each have a stone tonight.  This is for every sin, every denial, every wrong.  bring it up here to the table and place it around the cross.  Be reminded of the Great News that we share.  This day, this week, we remember what Christ went through for us - because of his great love for us. 

On Evangelism

Have you ever heard someone try to tell a joke and fail terribly?  This happens a lot when someone wants to tell about some funny situation in their life – and they tell the crowd … and when no one laughs … and there’s that awkward silence … they always say, “Well, I guess you had to be there.”

I can’t tell you how many times I tried to tell people about some crazy joke that my sister and I have … but all of these stories always end with awkward silence and the words “I guess you had to be there.” Because my sister and I basically have our own language. 

But have you ever heard someone tell a joke perfectly?  Have you ever been brought into the joke and laughed so hard you cried?

The difference is knowing what to tell and what not to tell – and how to tell it, and how to make it funny.  It’s not so easy to tell a funny story.

If someone is good at telling a joke, you don’t have to “be there.”  They can tell the story perfectly, as though you were there with them.

--

It’s the same with the people who create advertisements. Advertisers often have a hard job.  They often have to explain the whole premise of a tv show in just one picture.  Or they have to explain a difficult concept AND why their product is the best solution – all in one picture or just 30 seconds of ad time.

The ones who fail are the ones who try to explain everything, the ones who succeed are the ones who “show them” who make people understand.

 Jesus cares about communicating the message – the message is the Good News of the Kingdom of God.

Everywhere that Jesus goes, he seems to draw a crowd.  He heals people, he teaches, he performs some other miracles and the people, they just come to Jesus.  It seems like everyone wants to come and see this miracle worker.  Jesus doesn’t seem to have any problem gathering a crowd.

In our scripture reading, Jesus sends out the twelve to go to other villages and cities to share the Good News.  And right before these verses, Jesus brings a girl back from the dead. It seems like if you raise a girl from the dead on Tuesday, you’re not going to have a hard time drawing a crown on Wednesday, right? I mean, I think that resurrection would probably bring some people out to see Jesus.

But Jesus gets done bringing this girl back from the dead, and then turns to the 12 and says, “Well, friends, I’m going to send you out ahead of me.  To places I haven’t been, to places that I might visit – and you will go there and tell them about me.” 

I don’t know if you’ve ever been around a famous person.  Or even an important person.  The ways that our stomachs get tangled up in knots and we don’t say the right thing, but we want to stay close.  And I imagine that these twelve, after watching this amazing miracle – that they all probably wanted to hold on to Jesus’ robe and wait for the blessing to flow.  I’m sure that they didn’t want to go and leave him at this time.

But Jesus sends the twelve out, and gives them instructions on what they should do.

For Jesus, the quest of gathering a greater number of believers was never primary.  In the scripture we see a great crowd following Jesus and he turns around, tells them some horrific or challenging part of Christianity, and cuts the number of followers down.  We never see Jesus begging people to come and be his followers. If the goal was to get more people, well, He’s God – he could just kill everyone right now and we’ll all be on our knees before God ... because once we are standing before God there is no way we can hold our own way as higher and better than God’s.  We will all just worship God.

Jesus wasn’t ever trying to gather some huge group of people – he wasn’t trying to make a huge music festival or conference or to build a bigger building.  Jesus was sending out the Good News that the Kingdom of God is here right now – with us.

Do you think that Jesus needs us?  God commands all of the angels in heaven, and, really - if God's main goal was to get everyone to believe in Him, I think a few dozen flaming angels or rock monsters would go a lot further than a dozen fishermen and tax cheats. 

Jesus doesn’t need us, but Jesus chooses to use us.  He leaves this in our hands, he trusts us with this great responsibility. He leaves this joy for us.  Our salvation might get us into heaven when we die, but through our life in Christ, we build a little bit of heaven here on earth.  This is what we pray over and over again – thy will be done one earth as it is in heaven – we pray this every day, and Jesus gives us the chance to live that every day.  We share our faith, because we build a little bit of heaven on earth when we do that.  We connect a human being with the Glory of God and we fill this world with just a little bit more light.

Evangelism.  Boo!

When we talk about Evangelism, we get a little scared.  I even feel a little bit uncomfortable about preaching about Evangelism because it's not something I really believe in.  I know this is a strange thing to hear, but give me a minute to explain.  I have taken classes on Evangelism - on how to talk to people and by the end of the conversation that person has decided to follow Jesus.  I've taken at least three classes, I've read books, and I've even taught other people how to do this.  But the whole time, I felt a little bit uncomfortable.  One day, I realized that I felt like I was selling used cars.  I felt like I had to give some sales pitch. To make a really great advertisement that explained everything.

But, friends, Jesus isn’t some used car.  He’s not a vacuum cleaner or a new type of soap.  Jesus isn’t a commodity to be bought and Jesus is certainly not a commodity to be sold.  We’re not in the sales business.  We’re in the people business.

Let's look at the word's of Jesus here.  Jesus sends these twelve men out and he asks them to proclaim, cast out demons, heal the sick, and cure disease.  Jesus doesn't ask these men to answer all of their questions, he doesn't ask the twelve to bring back new disciples, he doesn't ask the twelve to feed the people or give them money. 

Jesus asks the 12 to receive the hospitality of strangers, to share the Good News with them, and then to return.

Well - perhaps you are thinking, "we don't cast out so many demons, and we've never healed the sick or cured diseases."

Friends, this is a lie from the Devil.  We are so tempted to believe the devil's lie that we are powerless.  I watched with my own two eyes as you all have cast out the demons of wickedness, evil, corruption, and bribery.  I have seen you heal the lonely and sad, and I have seen you cure the disease of depression.  The devil wants us to believe that we don't have any of the power of the original disciples, but we do.  We cast out demons all the time, we heal all the time.  Every time you bright young people have a conversation with someone who doesn't deserve your time, you are healing them.  Every time you stand up against a bully, jerk, or politician you are casting demons out of the darkness and into the light.  We do these things.  I've seen you do these things.   And as soon as we believe in the power that God has given us for these things, we will do a lot more of it. 

But it is the proclamation part that we get caught on.  Because we believe the devil's lie that we are not demon caster-out-ers and we are not healers - we believe that we shouldn't proclaim the Good News either. 

Here is the devil's favorite trick.  He uses our desire to win to shame us.  He uses our desires to get things done, to have a result, to be right, and to be approved of.  We have come to believe that "proclaiming the Good News" means arguing with an atheist until he is crushed under our massive amount of faith and commits to following Jesus for the rest of his life.  And this is so far from what is means to proclaim the Good News.   

What does it mean "to proclaim"?  It means to say out loud.  Every time we tell a friend "God loves you and so do I" we are proclaiming the Good News of the Kingdom. 

"God has given you so many talents."  "With God's help I'm going to make it through this difficult situation." "I really messed up and I sure am glad that God forgives." 

Every time you say any of these things, you are sharing your faith.  Every time you tell someone about Pilgrims and worship and reading the Bible and prayer and what these things mean to you - you are sharing your faith.  "Oh, today while reading the Bible I found the most beautiful verse, can I read it to you?  Can I post it as a Facebook status without sounding obnoxious? 

Jesus specifically tells the twelve not to take their baggage with them. 

We have all these ideas about evangelism and sharing our faith and Jehovah's witnesses standing with books and Mormon's in their suits and all of these things, they destroy our evangelism.  Because Jesus doesn't ask us to do any of these things.  He doesn't ask us to keep a tally, to keep score of how many souls we've saved, to argue and convince people of our own rightness. 

Jesus doesn't need you.  But Jesus chooses to use you and me.  He chooses to use really imperfect, impractical human beings to spread the Good News throughout all the earth.  God promises that if we aren't willing to share the Good News, He will make the rocks sing out the Good News - but nowhere in the New Testament does anyone come to faith except through the work of a human being sent by God.  These twelve ordinary men went from town to town - and they didn't even take an extra pair of underwear - and they ate what was given to them, and they shared about their faith - and then they left. 

And history tells us that these 12 men took this crazy story of the rabbi/carpenter who died on a cross and rose from the dead and they told that same story over and over again and today people all over the world sing and dance in the joy of this Good News. 

Jesus doesn’t need us.  Jesus didn’t need to send these twelve men out.  Jesus could have done it better by himself.  He could have had the rocks sing.  But Jesus choose these twelve men and gave their lives an extra sense of meaning and purpose. 

And Jesus uses us.  We are God’s advertisement to the world.

And sometimes we’re not such great or clever advertisements, but we are the advertisements that God chooses to use. 

Dear friends, go forth this day and proclaim the Good News. 

Amen. 

On outdoor weddings.

[[I don't write here so very often.  I wish that I had more time for blogging - and I understand that at this point in my life, blogging just isn't as important for me.  There was a time when I constantly needed to express thoughts, but now it seems I am asked to express more than I want to express.  But, I've wanted to talk about this topic for a while, and I can't seem to find a buyer - so I figured I would throw it out to the internet peoples and see what  happens.  I feel that my English language skills are dropping over time - I'm sorry for this.]]  

My friends who get married very rarely have their weddings in a church.  

Now, to be fair, most of my friends aren't married - and they're not getting married.  Of my high school graduating class, I think that less than a quarter of us are married.  We all have rich and fulfilling lives.  It seems that there is no shortage of adorable baby pictures on my Facebook feed, but marriage is less and less important.  Marriage is an expensive extravagance.  I read these crazy statistics - the average wedding costs $30,000 - and I just can't believe their validity.  But I read my friends' woes on Facebook - a tooth needs pulled but the co-pay of $200 is too much of a luxury, hours are cut at their job, student loans piling up and still no degree, etc - and I understand that a wedding is just too expensive for a lot of people.  

Weddings are a celebration of tradition and family.  If your family wasn't particularly great - maybe you don't want to celebrate those things.  If your parents don't want to pay for your wedding - for whatever reason - why would you go to the expense and trouble for a piece of paper.  

The most common sentiment I hear from my friends is that they want to be with a person because they love this person, not because a piece of paper dictates that they need to be with this person.  I agree with this sentiment.    

It seems that most of my college peers are married.  They mostly come from white, Christian, middle-class homes - so tradition and family are generally held quite dear.

But I notice that most of my college peers - who, almost without exception, have a very strong tie to a church and a community of believers - have their weddings at an outside venue.  Some of them pay thousands of dollars to rent the venue.  I even feel ridiculous writing the word "venue."  They get married on sand, by water, with trees as a backdrop, in a barn, under a canopy - but not in a church.  

Perhaps I'm WAY more conservative than I let on, but this bothers me.  I have a theory about this.  I think that most of these people come from more contemporary churches: churches that worship in glorified gymnasiums and churches that were built in the 80s and 90s.  I wouldn't want to get married in one of these buildings.  I've seen pictures of my friends' weddings where they had clearly spent thousands of dollars to try and mask the basketball hoop - but they weren't fooling anyone.  

In our little United Methodist church here in Lviv, we've never had a wedding.  Our space is small and dingy and it would be weird to have a wedding there.  Most of our girls wait until they have already had their big beautiful church wedding before officially converting to Methodism.  We've only had one wedding, and it was outside.  Little girls in Ukraine don't dream about marrying in a Protestant service in a dingy store-front space.  

Little girls in America don't dream about getting married in a big-box church or a 70s orange-carpet nightmare-cathedral.  I don't think we have space to incorporate guitar solos and drum-sets in our wedding dreams.  Weddings aren't "super casual - yo" and they don't fit very well into our contemporary worship experiences.    

---

I've read that for the average American family, Christmas is a celebration of tradition more than a celebration of Christ's birth.  This makes sense to me in a very profound way.  Why do we do the things that we do at Christmas time?  Tradition.  Why do we only drink egg-nog during one season? Tradition. 

I think that American weddings are moving in this direction.  We have weddings because the glamorous people in movies have weddings.  In our pop-culture collective imagination weddings only happen in massive cathedrals or on a beautiful beach.  

With a divorce rate that is astronomical, a government limiting who has the right to get married, and a five-figure sticker price ... I think that many of my friends have just decided that this is a tradition not worth celebrating.  

----

I talk with a lot of people about a lot of different things.  I've always been open and receptive to any line of conversation.  I'm also something like a pastor, so couples counseling is assumed to be part of my repertoire.  So sometimes I learn things that surprise me.  

It seems that more and more people I know are in monagamish relationships.  They live together, but he's allowed to have a little strange on the side.  She meets up with a 20-something from time to time just for fun and her husband is fine with it.  Threesomes happen sometimes, but all within well-defined rules agreed upon ahead of time.  These conversations usually begin with a very strong affirmation that "this" wasn't cheating.    

On one of my favorite shows, a woman's husband is found dead in a male-hookers bed, and the wife casually says, "Every marriage is different, ours was just a little more different."  

---

Marriage is a trending topic in Christian circles.  I would even push the idea that there are mega churches built on the foundation of family values instead of the foundation of Jesus Christ.  

We read the Old Testament accounts of the fathers of our faith and we scratch our heads and do theological cartwheels to form their "acquisition of women" into an appropriate message on family values.  "Solomon had how many wives? And concubines? ... And this is why you should wait until you're married to have sex."    

We hear the narrative of Jesus of Nazareth, a 33 year old carpenter with 12 disciples (only one of whom has a wife to speak of, although he really doesn't speak of her very often) who mentions marriage once and promotes singleness just as much and we create an entire theology around family values.  

We read Paul's extortion toward singleness for the sake of the Gospel [in college I was taught that Paul achieved a rank within the Jewish community open only to married men, so he had to have been a widower ... but either way, we know that he was single when he began his missionary journey] and we push and pull his words until we find something [Paul's radical claim that women aren't property and should be treated with love - a verse that we often use to tell women they should be subservient, but I digress] that speaks to traditional family values and marriage. 

---

I won't speak out against marriage, and I won't support my monagamish friends in their sexplorations.  But I think that we as the church need to really re-evaluate our theology of family values in light of what the Bible actually teaches. 

Because our whole concept of Christian marriage is a celebration of tradition.  

We aren't celebrating the words of the Old Testament, the example of Christ, or the letter of Paul.  We aren't celebrating our faith, growing as disciples, or worshiping God during wedding services.  

We're bowing down to the pagan fertility gods by worshiping the concept of virginity over the faithful witness of grace offered by Christ to all.  We're bowing down to the American gods of greed, avarice, and wealth by spending more than we can afford for a ceremony that is only meant to impress other people (for God is certainly not impressed by our lavish feasts and decorations).  We're bowing down to tradition and claiming that it is Biblical even though almost none of our wedding traditions have any mention, bearing, or reflection of the words of scripture.  

I'm not calling for an end of marriage - I just think that we should call it out for what it is.  

Because I think we can do better.  

--

My closest friends have all had small, casual weddings with just close friends and family.  My sister had a Christmas wedding and didn't spend a dime on decorations.  One friend made her own dress, another wore her mother's wedding dress.  One friend will only have the communion liturgy read at her wedding.  

I think that in the future it will be much more common for faithful disciples to forgo the avarice and show and and to celebrate simply.  I think it will be more common for Christian young people to decide if they want to get married.  I think it will be more common for people to wait until they are sure that they have found someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with - even if that takes 30 years of searching.  

I hope that in the future, we will be able to more fully live into the complex and complicated theology of family, love, commitment, and example that is set before us in scripture.  I hope someday that we will not treat marriage as a victory dance before Pagan gods, but as a solemn promise before a loving Savior.  I hope someday our theology grows to embrace all the couples that God has brought together and not just those who look like us.  I hope that someday marriage will be seen as a possible step towards completing God's plan for our lives instead of an obligatory march toward parental expectations.  

I think we can do better.