Saturday, April 29, 2006

I'm singing in church tomorrow. I'm not prepared to sing the song. I forgot that I was supposed to practice with my accompaniast on Wednesday. She had choir practice anyway and was just going to fit me in, but I still felt really bad. Kelly and I practiced it, but I have still only heard the accompaniement once for it. I know it will be okay, but I would have liked my last song to be a little bit better.

I'm leaving my church in Toccoa. I love it dearly. I will, of course, retain an active role in ministry there (drama, youth, advanced planning?) , but I will stop attending worship there. I will be attending worship near Gainesville at The Water's Edge UMC. I think that God is trying to teach me that sometimes we have to leave when things aren't all tied up in a pretty package yet. My "swan song" won't be the best - but God will still honor it(I hope). I know I'm going where God wants me to go.

I have a meeting at Joe's house this week and next - I'm excited to get to know the other committed individuals. I'm glad that God is in control, because I'm sure not.

My drama ministry had another disapointing practice. Only 2 girls showed up, and Ben wasn't there. I'm not sure that we will be able to pull this interpretive dance thing off. Too late now. I asked Matthew to get the girls' names and phone numbers. I've been trying to hand off more responsibilities. I tend to hold on to responsibilites - it is a big step for me to trust someone else to do something that I could do myself. It makes it more difficult when that person I've trusted lets me down. Another reason to regret missing my practice time for my song. Hope it goes well.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

SO I posted a long blog that didn't publish. Essentially- met Kelly's parents. Went to a great musical. Went out for coffee and deserts. Went to an event for exchange students and spoke Russian.
Last night we went on a double date. We all dressed up as fancy as we could. Kelly and I went with Ben and Rachel to the very nice Thai Restaurant. The food was excellent. Afterwards we went to Tallulah Gorge - the deepest chasm west of the Mississippi. Then we went to a river picnic spot where I taught Kelly how to Waltz and Ben and Rachal showed us how to swing dance. Then Ben hopped the fence of a power plant which had continuos video surveliance. Ben's first felony. Well, maybe it was a felony to drive on the sidewalk all the way to the girls' dorm. He wanted to do somethign special. If any adult had seen he would have recieved at least 5 hours of work detail!
We then went to a cemetery(hey, it's Toccoa!) and watched the stars. It was a very nice evening all and all. It kills me everytime Ben picks up Rachel. Ben and Rachel aren't actually dating. Rachel is a very petite person, and for Ben to pick her up is like lifting a bag of kitty litter. Everytime he picked her up Kelly gave me a great look of , "Please don't try that - you'll kill us both." We all got pictures behind the fence at the gorge. (Also a felony now that I think about it. Also, there is dispute about whether being in a graveyard after dark is a felony.) Oh well, rules are made for breaking.

We actuall did all of this in prom attire. It is great to be dating a girl who thinks it is a great idea to go to a cemetery in a prom dress after dark. So random, but I know almost all of the TFC girls would just whine and complain about an idea like that.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

I finished almost everything for the semester today. I have one more project, but today was my last really really hectic day. I gave a presentation and took a test this morning, and tonight I gave a presentation about my trip to Russia. My only project left is a church growth analysis. It will probably take me all weekend and then some to finish that project. I only have chapter summaries and reading reports other than finals now.

This summer should be really fun. I will be working at Camp Glisson (if I get in all of my paperwork - I need something noterized and I don't even know where to do that or how much it will cost.) and then hopefully working with the new church start.

I recieved a copy of a letter of reference that was written for me. It was beautifuly written. I feel very humbled that people love me enough and think highly enough of me to write something like that. We have been doing missionary reports in history of missions. I want people to do a report on my biography. Not because of my own narsicism, but rather because I have allowed God to use me. In everyone of the missionary reports we heard of someone who gave everything to Christ - except one. We learned about Karl Gutzlaff. He was disgraced when it was found out his ministry was a sham. That's what happens when we depend on ourself and not on God.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Last Easter I cried. My Russian host mother had fallen asleep for the train ride to Moscow. We left at 5 in the morning to go to Moscow to see a Ballet. It was Easter morning, and here I was sitting by myself on a train filled with Russian people, the only one of whom I knew being asleep. That wasn't why I cried. That would be a silly reason to cry.

During Holy Week I did the best I could. I snuck some peach nectar and black bread while I was alone at home on Thursday and had my own communion celebration. On Friday I wore black. I didn't bathe from Thursday until Sunday. (Not that uncommon for me while I was in Russia - you must love enculturation!) But I concsiously chose to wait those 4 days to bathe. From Thursday when Jesus washed their feet to Sunday when even their hearts were clean. I didn't have a palm frond or an easter lilly.

I was on the train and the sun began to rise. Over the birch trees I watched that sun come out - so gloriously bright. I watched as the sun rose above the trees and I was suddenly struck by the idea that Jesus died for everyone who was on that train. Jesus died for me, for Lena - my host mother who was a committed communist and very leary of Christianity, and for all of the strangers I didn't know. I started to cry. I hummed a very chords of a favorite hymn and then spent the next few hours in prayer.

During the day I saw a ballet, went to historic cathedrals, and watched the sun set over the Volga. My day went on as normal (hey, it was normal for me), but I knew that He is Risen. He is Risen Indeed.

This Easter I went to a sunrise service, 2 "normal church services", and then ate a lovely Easter meal with friends from church and school. My friend Ben wore short-shorts to play racquetball, my girlfriend and I held hands while we watched "Red Eye", and we toured my "adopted families" giant home.

I want every Easter to be filled with adventure and suprise. I can't think of a better thing to have on the Holiday. Chocolate bunnies are nice, but I want to feel the wind of adventure that the women at the tomb felt when they found it empty. We are an Easter People. Praise God.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

I have to write a paper (5-6 pages) on the Diety of Christ. I have never doubted the Diety of Christ. It has never crossed my mind. I have always believed in the Trinity. I don't necessarily believe that the Holy Spirit is a man ... but ... uhmm, I don't see why that's heretical. I don't fully understand the point of the assignment. I have read several papers people have done in the past. 1 page of writing - 4-5 pages of filler material. God called Jesus "my beloved son." That's what I need.

We are only allowed to use the Pauline epistles to defend the Diety of Christ. Yes, in case we are argueing religion with someone who is willing to throw out all 4 of the Gospels, but keep Paul's writing???? That's just silly. It is also silly that we all have to use the same definition of the Trinity and work from there, use the the same books (after they have all been taken out of the library you're screwed!), and defend the same point. I read one chapter today on how the Trinitarian view of life showed that homosexual relationships were okay. I decided that everything else in that book is heretical at best.

I aso have 11 Chapter Summaries due tomorrow!

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

So I really think you should read the next post down. This is actually my second post of the day. A lot happens when you are avoiding work like the plague.

Kelly and I went for a walk today. It was very nice to walk and talk. We went down to the falls and sat at the base of the waterfall. (My school is home to the highest waterfall in the Southeast! - my dates are automatically more romantic than yours.) We had a chance to talk about a lot of things. Kelly is going to be a Child Psychologist or a Marriage and Family Councelor ... so our conversations are always very productive. It feels good knowing that everything is pretty much out in the open.

I like Kelly a lot. I'm not in love yet. I know she isn't in love yet either. I like that aspect, because I think it leaves more room for God to work and there is less of our emotions for each other getting in the way. Don't get me wrong. We will love each other if the relationship is to continue, but we won't decide against the will of God because we are so crazy in love. I see things working out well, but we are both waiting on God.

We talked about how her career could factor into my mission work. I like that she is more outgoing than most TFC girls. She isn't afraid of speaking her mind or being non-traditional when it comes to some aspects of the woman's role in a relationship.

So, yes. I think you should read my other post today as well. It is very random. My most random post ever. It doesn't even make sense to me, but I think if you try hard enough you can see where I am going. Since it doesn't make sense I will have to call it art. Go read my art!

Holy Week

I have been thinking a lot about Holy Week. We built a large faux stone doorway for a skit we are doing on Thursday, and have been able to do most of our work and store our supplies in the sanctuary. It will only be used on Thursday and Friday. What exactly did Jesus do on Tuesday evening after Palm Sunday. I mean, it was the last Tuesday he would have before his death.

We generally leave the "and descended into hell" section out of our apostle's creed - but I think we should keep it. Jesus knew he would be resurrected, according to the scriptures, but, he wept bitterly anyway. He knew that he would go through hell. Whether he went to the physical place or not - he went to hell. Being nailed to that cross, bleeding, rejected, dying - having the sin of the world on his shoulders.

Knowing that some day some punk named Michael Airgood would continually turn his back on Christ in favor of sin, Jesus still died for that punk. He died for me. He knew how often - to the exact number - I would deny Christ to wallow in my own sinful filth ... and yet he died for me to be free from death.

I wonder if Jesus paid special attention to Judas that week. How awkward must that have been.
"So, uhmm, Judas ... got any plans for this weekend (like betraying me)?
Ok, have a fun time at the temple (you are hammering the nail yourself).
Judas, I just want you to know that I love you. (I love you enough to die for you - if you will only accept my death as the payment for what you will do for me - you won't have to kill yourself. What don't you understand Judas. What you did deserves death - and mine will fulfill that.)"


I know from my trips overseas how sorrowful those goodbyes are - and I know I'm coming back after a delightful month or so. How hard must it have been for Jesus. " Well, I'm going to go die for all of you - hey Peter, by the way, have a nice time denying me. It's okay - I forgive you." As sarcastic as I think Jesus was - I can't imagine how hard it was to keep things under wrap for that week.

"It's okay. I'm dying for you. You don't know it yet - you will never understand - and you might never accept it. But, it's okay. I'm dying for you."

Saturday, April 08, 2006

I went on a canoe trip. I actually organized it. I know - there is a lot of things wrong with the idea of me being in charge of a canoe trip. I realize I haven't canoed since I was 8, don't like outdoor stuff, and had to call a friend to find out how to dress for the event. I realize the great number of reasons why I shouldn't have been in charge. God, however, didn't understand any of those reasons and prompted me to be in charge.
Everything went very well, in my humble opinion. 19 guys went canoeing and 6 more met us at a prof's house for dinner. The event was for guys who plan on being missionaries. We had a speaker who has been a missionary in Africa and came back to the states to get married.
There was a 90% chance of rain this morning - and a 40% chance of lightning. It neither rained nor lightning-ed. It was great.
I'm going to go to bed now - exhausted physically - but, refreshed spiritually and emotionally. It was fun.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

I'm doing a lot better today. I called and apologized to my dad for yelling at him. Mom reminded me that I need to be an example of Christ to him. It is so difficult, but with time I pray I will get better at it.

I talked with Ben for a few hours (maybe only 1 1/2) about his relationship. I was brutaly honest, but I'm not sure how much got through. It's totally in God's hands - and I will keep my mouth closed until I feel led to do something else.

I took a girl out on a date today. Her name is Kelly, and I really think that we will have a long term relationship. I like her a lot, we share a lot of common interests, and we just get each other. By TFC standards we should be married already. That was a joke - a very cynical joke. I'm really praying about it, but am sure that we will go on more dates. We saw Cinderella presented by the local middle school and then went out for coffee. We were seen by other TFC students so we should be the talk of a lot of gossip by tomorrow. Yay. Her friends are all really funny. Hannah Joy opened the door and acted like a maid, and then another girl said, "your lady awaits." It made a fun start to the night.

Threadbare is this Saturday!!! It looks like it will rain, but I am sure that everything will work out. If I haven't blogged about it - God laid on my heart a vision for gathering the guys on this campus who plan on becoming missionaries together. We will go canoeing and then have dinner and a speaker. I feel like I am back in YMT or something planning the event. We had to do everything from the ground up - and I'm not sure how everything will work out yet! I feel that God is so totally in control of this. I know that whatever happens will be great. I just pray that it will have enough momentum that next year I can get a few more than 2 other kids to help!

I wrote 2 and 1/4 page for my 3 page paper. I don't have a whole lot else to say, but think that I can at least get it done by tomorrow. My computer is fixed - I finished chapter summaries for yesterday. I might get 8 hours of sleep tonight! (Maybe!) I will be man number 4 in my friend's wedding - eventually.

I know that I am in the loving arms of a Savior who died for me. Sometimes I forget that if none of the other things here were going well - this one would remain. This is the only one that matters. Everything else is poppykok and twuddle as Rodgers and Hammerstein would say.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

I have come to the point where I need to sever ties with my father. He is so emotionally abusive that even one phone conversation is enough to send me into a fit of depression. I called mom today and he took the phone to talk to me. He was angry at me because my computer has spyware. It's obviously my fault. He just ranted a lot about how disrespectful I am and how I'm a bad person. I said the phrase "pissed off" and he got on my case about morality. I got off the phone and decided I wouldn't do another piece of homework I was so angry. (It's okay. I've calmed down a lot and intend to do most all of my homework.) My dad essentially told me before this semester that my 3.5 gpa wasn't good enough and I had to work harder. I'm still so devestated by this. I see fathers and sons at church who love each other. The father out in the yard playing ball with his son. The son wanting to sit with his father in church. The father teaching his son in a way that his son will grow up to recieve the faith.

I had none of that. I still can't throw a football. I watched TV with my dad everyday ... because that's what he was willing to do. My neighbor taught me how to ride a bike - several years after all of my friends - and my father was angry at him for it. My father was never willing to even try to quit smoking no matter how often I begged, pleaded, or his his lighters.

I won't be home this summer. I had wanted to go home in Agust, but if I do go home I will stay with Bekke in Rochester and friends when we come down for the weekend.

I'm not willing to take it anymore. I pray that I will be a better father than he ever was to me. I pray for my mom - of whom I love dearly and don't want to hurt- that she won't be hurt by my decision. I pray for my sister as she goes through the same process.

Sometimes we hurt so bad inside that we feel if our faces showed it people would start forming a line for our funeral procession. A child should never have to feel that way. I praise my God who has brought me through all of this and will continue to lift me up and out of the muck.

Monday, April 03, 2006

I had an exciting day. I have been planning an event for the guys on my campus who plan on being missionaries. I was a little nervous about not getting the word out early enough. We had 11 people sign up so far for the canoe trip and dinner. I'm really glad things are going so well.

I have a date on Thursday. We will be going to see Cinderella. I'm not sure how serious we are - I generally like to keep things vague ... because dating is seen as such a huge thing on my campus. People take dating so seriously. I just want to go out and have a fun time - if things go well I might pursue a relationship.

My friends Jon and Ann got engaged on Saturday. I was at John's house all day on Saturday. We toasted him before he left, prayed and waited until they got back, and celebrated with them with cake and more toasts. We had an exciting time together - celebrating an engagment of course - but also celebrating Christian community at its best.

We will have at least 2 or 3 more people in drama after Easter. I know it is only 4 or 5 weeks, but we will do 2 presentations. Neither are particularly difficult - here's to hoping.

I have keys to Joe Peabody's house. He is the lead pastor with the church start I will be working with. He gave Jess and I both keys so if we are ever in town we can drop by and take a nap, clean, cook, or watch TV. He's such a fun guy. We talked a lot about the church as it stands, and what we want the church to be. It was so exciting. I can't wait to be in the full swing of things.