I need friends who can appreciate and learn to love my unique eccentricities:

I don't watch trilogies. I will occassionally watch two out of three, but only in large groups and never with the intent of "finishing the story" by watching the third one.

I am agorophobic. I fear large open spaces. I don't like walking through fields. Oceans feel weird.

I don't like walking towards reflective surfaces. Mirrors are generally alright, but things that aren't intended to be reflective (darkened windows, etc.) that are reflective creep me out.

I like to hold hands and cuddle. It's (generally) not a sexual thing. I will cuddle with anyone who doesn't smell bad. It's affirming yet not slutty. It reminds me of happier days when holding hands was acceptable and cuddling wasn't sexual. I think we fear things from childhood. Why do we stop skipping?

I need to hear "I love you" from friends and family. It's an approval thing. I feel like I have done something wrong if people won't say it to me when hanging up the phone. I like to trick people, by catching them off guard, into responding with those words.

I like to watch people, especially friends, doing nothing at all. Try not to be freaked out and I'll try not to get caught.

I mimic laughs - whichever is best. If you hate my laugh, let it be known that it might be yours. I don't have a distinct laugh. I choose the one that makes me feel happiest. Right now I have a mix of Brittany, my boss from summer camp, my aunt Kim, John Bennet. I haven't been captivated by a laugh in some time.

I realize that I court my friends as if I were intending to propose. They generally get over it.

It's time for catharsis

I love friendship. I love friendships that move too quickly. I love being loud, talking loud, loving loud. I'm sure it grates on some people, but I'm okay with that.

I have confessed to and recieved confession from a number of friends this week. We have confronted brokeness and shame. I believe that Satan wants our sin to stay a secret or if it is known he wants there to be shame. We faced sin with the power of Christ and got through it without shame.

Now it is time for the healing process to begin. Your sins are forgiven. It doesn't matter anymore what your past held. It only matters what's in store for your future. Catharsis happened and it continues.

I love friendship. I love friendships that heal the soul and mend brokeness.

On Regeneration

I'm reading my textbook of Systematic Theology, and am currently on the topic of regeneration. The concept of being born again. Grudem argues that it is entirely passive because of the analogy. When we are born we do nothing. When we are born again we do nothing. Interesting concept - I'll get back to it some day.

But, our birth is two things. The most important event in our lives and something we have no recollection of. I think that our regeneration should be viewed in the same light. It's huge. It's a huge deal. But, what we should remember and focus on is everything after that.

Landa Cope would piss off the righteous TFC students by saying, "You say, 'But Landa, I'm saved!' and I say, 'Good, I'm glad you're saved ... now what." The critics were merciless. She was "downplaying salvation." I mean, she was a woman, and for women salvation comes through childbirth and she was still single ... so she couldn't even be saved, right?(strong sense of sarcasm)

A salvation experience is so incredibly important. I don't want to downplay that, but I hate hearing testimonies that ramble on about the previous, sinful life for twenty minutes and end with "and then I got saved and my life has changed. Amen." It's not about the time you spent in the womb, it's not about the birthing experience, it's about Jesus and what He has done in your life and in the lives of others through you.

We have churches that focus entirely on the birthing process and never even attempt child-rearing. We show people the doorway of salvation, but even after they have entered it we are reluctant to show them the Kingdom standing behind it.

Veronica, I wish that you knew who Rosa Parks was. I wish you knew what she did. I hope some day you will know who she is and what she sat for. I wish someday you will learn her courage.

Shaperio, I wish you didn't have a picture of that damn dead rapper on your backpack. I wish your merchandise celebrated someone who died for something other than his own stupidity. I wish your shoes commemorated someone who lived for Truth instead of living for his own wealth.

Malique, you don't know this yet, but you could be a great leader. I hope you pay attention when they teach you about MLK. I hope you take to heart the things he said. I hope you learn from his speeches. I hope you learn the Truth and lead the way for others.

I want you all to know that you are so much more than you might think. You have the potential to accomplish more than anyone could believe. I love you, and I'm praying for change. The statistics say you will end up on drugs and welfare. Fuck statistics. I pray that I can let you know that God loves you and that He has a plan for you. I hope you know what you are worth. I'm praying that God will use you as leaders - that you will rise above the plan this world has for you and embrace the plan God has for you. I still believe in you and so does God.

I love you and so does God.

Happy Positive Male Influence Day!

I celebrated today with several men who have meant a lot to me. Pastor Andy preached a riveting final sermon, Ed promised me the use of his boat, and Burt and Rick (and families) had me over for dinner.

How incredibly boring it would be if we all agreed. Life would be a catastraphoe if we all held the same thoughts and opinions. I'm glad that people think differently than I do. I'm glad that people hold opinions strongly. It gives me great joy to find brothers and sisters who believe the opposite of my own beliefs but who can still worship beside me.

I would place myself as an Arminian. My mentor is a Calvinist. I'm not opposed to picking sides. I'm opposed to arguing about it. I encourage healthy debate. I encourage people to talk about God and everything about God. I agree with Meredith that this can bring glory to God. But, the knock down, drag out fights I have seen over the debate brought glory to no one. Least of all God. My mentor and I can discuss it in great depth without breaking a sweat. I've seen freshman come to blows over this idea.

I disagree with my pastor, of whom I love dearly, on the issue of infant baptism. We have discussed it in depth, and I realize why he chose to have his baby baptized. I disagree, but because of our discussion I understand his heart. It hasn't changed my mind concerning MY future children, but it has changed my mind concerning his.

I disagree with practically everyone at my school on the issue of gay and lesbian clergy rights. I'm alright with that. I won't argue with anyone about it. I'll explain my position, several times if I have to. I will listen to theirs. But, I won't fight over it. I understand that it is an unfavorable position, and because of this I am more than willing to enter into dialogue with anyone on the topic.

The thing is, I'm alright with the notion that after our dialogue there is a good chance you will still disagree. I don't want people to conform to my own understanding of God and the scriptures, rather I want people to understand and accept WHY I believe as I do. It's not important that you follow suit. It is important that you understand my love for the Savior and accept our differences.

We were so young then. We were filled with hope of what the world might hold for us. We called it hope then. Or optimism. Or a plethora of other positive words. We call it immaturity today. Or naievity. Or a cadre of other negative terms; terms that reaffirm our smug superiority. It's an us v. them affair and we know we are right. The only problem is that "us" used to be "them." And we knew we were right when we were "them."

Dating is a good example. You never get any better at it. In elementary school when you dated a girl you held hands or sat together at lunch. In middle school you did the same thing, except you met each other at the bi-annual dance. In high school (pre-driving days)you did the same thing except you rode together to the dances. You drove her to the prom. You still held hands and sat together at lunch. In college you invite her over for lunch and enjoy her company. If you're slutty sex is involved somewhere in there. (I haven't figured it all out yet, but I believe it can start as early as middle school and continue all the way through the second day of marriage.) We never get any better at the things we do. We're always just as awkward. We're always just as immature.

Friendships are a good example. I've seen fights erupt between civilized adults that amounted to little more than playground spats. Lawyers are involved and occasionally people get shot. You stop being a persons friend, you get new friends, you spend too much time with one friend, you wonder if you ever really connect. Our interpersonal communication skills remain stagnant. We remain children.

Tony Campolo said, "You are as young as your dreams and as old as your cynicism." That might be a paraphrase. I'm a dreamer at heart. I can still visualize world peace, a united church, and fewer objectifed midgets on television. But, my brain is constantly cynical. Take the midget joke above as an example. I'm both 85 and 7. I get angry when someone takes my pew, but I pray and hope fervently that we will have visitors to fill all the other pews.

I don't know what "then" I'm referencing at the top of this blog. Maybe it was when we were "kids." Maybe it was before we came to college. Maybe it was before I wrote this blog. I could keep dreaming and be 7 forever, or I could grow up (mature) and find my seat at the adult table. I just wish this life thing wasn't so confusing.

I was reading my Systematic Theology textbook today. In it Wayne Grudem postulated that humans have higher reasoning skills than animals. I concurr greatly. Then, for evidence of this he wrote, "you will never find a group of Chimpanzees sitting around a table arguing Arminianism versus Calvinism or the doctrine of the Trinity." I think that he disproved his point.

Animals do what they were created to do. If Grudem's hypothesis, namely, "that we are created to glorify God" is true, then we as humans fail to serve our purpose when we argue of the doctrine of the trinity or discuss the merits or Arminianism and Calvinism. If our purpose is to glorify God, than arguing about God would be a sin. Jesus never commanded us to figure God out, he commanded us to go into all the world. ( I understand we must be able to give a reason for the hope that we have, but I don't believe that any complex theological viewpoint is the reason scripture is talking about.)

Maybe animals have higher reasoning skills that humans. Maybe they have figured out that living our God's purpose for thier lives is better than arguing over who God is.

Change.

I find that I strongly dislike stagnation. I prefer change. Daily change; my heart, my life, my routines, my worship, and my passions. If what we are doing isn't working now, why would it work in 5 months, 3 years, or 7 decades? I'm a firm believer in change.

Even of doctrine. I don't think we have all the answers. I can't believe it is ever a fare statement to say that we fully understand God ... so how can we say that we understand what he thinks about everything political? I don't know how God feels about global warming. I have a pretty good idea of how I think he would feel, but I am open to the idea that I could be totally wrong.

I think that Christians need to maintain that attitude about a lot of things. The Bible isn't that specifically clear on too many topics. Any divise issue isn't as clear as either side thinks it is. But, there are things that are clearly laid out. There are 9-26 references to homosexuality in the Bible. There are hundreds of references to tithing and what we do with out money. There are quite possibly thousands of references to love in the Bible. We have churches that, although they stand firmly theoretically on all three issues, in practice only uphold the Bible on one of the issues. We don't tithe, we don't love our enemies (hell, not even our friends). There are so many things that are so clear cut in the Bible that we ignore so that we can continue to argue about the rest.

The Bible speaks over and over again about the need for justice for the poor. However, my sunday school teacher today justified not giving to the poor because Jesus said, "You will always have the poor among you."

So, we take our Bibles and we use what we like, we discard or marginalize what is uncomfortable for us, and we highlight what damns our neighbor to hell. No, I can't say that I am a "Bible Believing Christian" (trademark, copyright). I love the Bible, but I can't figure out which parts I am to marginalize and which parts to highlight.

It wasn't the waterfall I had wanted to see. I went to my church camp yesterday. I knew that there was something there I wanted to see. It wasn't the cabin I had stayed in. It wasn't the chapel. I knew it was something, but I couldn't think what it could be. I figured it out as I passed the building. I had wanted to see a room in "the bob." The Bob Cagle Program Center had been closed to campers last summer. Before our last communion my campers, the other councelor, and I had snuck in. We had a time of fellowship and worship together. We leaned on one another, we cried, we prayed, we confessed. It was beautiful.

No waterfall could compare to what had happened in that room. I had needed to see that room. That's why I had gone.

Some days we need something like that to hold on to.