And I’m sorry, too.

Some days it's hard to belong to a church that looks so little like Jesus.

When United Methodist read the liturgy before communion, we use a collective prayer of repentance. We pray:

“Merciful God,
We confess that we have not loved you with our whole heart.
We have failed to be an obedient church.
We have not done your will,
We have broken your law,
We have rebelled against your love,
We have not loved our neighbors,
And we have not heard the cry of the needy.
Forgive us we pray.
Free us for joyful obedience, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.”

I wish that every church could read and live by those words each week.

Philippians 2:5-11 reads,
"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

When we depict the crucifixion scene, Jesus is drawn in the center of two criminals high on the hill. His cross is larger than the other two and it is usually shiny. This much we take for granted. Of course Jesus' cross would be shiny - He is God.

... but he made himself nothing ...

He failed to hold tight to his equality with God, and chose instead to find equality with sinners. With us. With pedophiles and gossips.

I'm so quick to get on my high horse. "I'm going to be a missionary." I tell people. I grasp for my equality with God and fail to hold tight to my equality with sinners.

And so does the rest of the church. We as one body, fail to hold tight to our equality with those most affected by Prop 8. We have failed to be an obedient church. We have not done your will.

Merciful Heavenly Father, forgive me for failing to love my neighbor. For fearing the sins of others more than your anger and sadness over my own sins. Forgive me for failing to reach out to those who need your peace this day - who need to know that the baby wrapped in swaddling clothes is still relevant and is still the King. Forgive me and my damn high horse. Help me off of it. Help me to learn to humble myself - even when it hurts - so that I may truly love others more than myself.

Amen.

I put my ipod on shuffle as I drove down to Florida. I realized that with little error my ipod contains the sum of my theology. Not textbook could ever hold all the religious views, opinions, thoughts, and ideas I hold ... but somehow the works of Ani Difranco, the podcasting of Bishop Will Willimon, a who's who of contemporary Christian singers circa 2003, and Rent! combine to flesh out my whole theology.

I wonder if this is true for everyone.

Church should be fun.

Church should be a good time to reconnect with friends and to celebrate the resurrection in our lives. I've had the honor and privilege of seeing more than a dozen adults become members of United Methodist congregations in the last few weekends. I went home to see Kane First UMC add 11 new members, 8 by profession of faith. This last weekend my grandparents and I visited a UMC here in Pompano Beach, FL. Two young men were baptised as new believers.

It's an exciting experience to see people leave behind their former lives and follow Jesus. Church should be a weekly excersize in celebrating this. Our worship should celebrate the good news of Jesus Christ. It should connect with the people we wish to reach - with those who do not yet have a saving faith.

Un churched people have two primary points of connection with traditional worhsip. Weddings and funerals. Our traditional worship experiences should remind the unchurched of weddings they have attended in the past. Our church services should be a time of celebration. Music should rarely be categorized as a dirge. The unitiated should never feel overwhelmed because of our lack of explanation - our churches do weird things and we should explain why every week.

People should leave church with a sense of joy and peace. People should leave church having encountered the risen Christ. We as leaders in the church need to stop bemoaning the lack of excitement in worship and begin to reinstate it. Church should never be a contractual obligation - and we should mourn the fact that it became that in the 1940s and 50s not refer to that time as our "hayday."

It is infinetly better to have a small group of people genuinely worshipping than to have a large congregation dreading Sunday morning.

Evangelism should be easy.

Sharing the hope we find in the good news of Christ should be something that naturally happens. It shouldn’t take programs, conferences, pulpit prodding, or a committee. It’s something we already do every day. Evangelism is simply sharing our lives with those around us; praying that at the end of the day our lives point to Christ.

Christians get very frightened when talking about Evangelism. Visions of big-haired women and slick talking preachers dance through our minds. Evangelism becomes cumbersome and difficult when we place programs, training manuals, and rules in place. There is no magical formula for sharing our faith. The Bible never calls us to cajole people to pray the “sinners prayer.” We share a simple call to make disciples for Christ.

Evangelism looks different in every situation. Evangelism for the 70+ crowd might involve hymns and a rip-roaring sermon on sin, death, and hell. Evangelism for the college crowd might be a trip to Shirley’s and a good talk about faith and doubt.

Jesus gave us a commission, not a formula; but here are a few guidelines I’ve picked up over the years and found helpful.

1. Know your crowd – telling a pre-Christian neighbor about your faith will sound different than telling a church-raised college friend. Figure out where your audience stands …
2. Move them one step closer to God – Evangelism isn’t about getting heathens saved, its about encouraging each person you meet to move one step closer to God.
3. Trust is THE factor – yelling John 3:16 at strangers might have worked at some point, but today it fails miserably. Build relationships with friends, co-workers, and neighbors on the foundation of trust. When trusting friends realize where you place your trust they are more likely to want to learn more about your faith.
4. God does the work – We don’t convert people. We don’t save people. We help people understand their need for God. We help explain what God does in our lives.

There's a little boy that takes part in the weekly kids' ministry at my church. His name is Matthew and he loves sugar. Matthew's mom and I are friends. I don't think Matthew will ever remember my name. I share the Bible lesson every week. Every week I think, "How can I make this stick for Matthew?"

I'm teaching a lesson to my Sunday School class about leaving a legacy of generations of faith. I have a few weeks to prepare still, but I can't help but think about it now. I want to leave a legacy of faith. I want Matthew to grow up to be a great Christian man.

Bishop Schnase wrote a practical application Bible study called "5 Habits of Highly Effective Congregations." The most interesting aspect of this book is his use of quality examples from churches across the size, location, and political spectrums. He used examples of children's education at rural mountain churches and at mid sized city congregations. I'm so often overwhelmed by examples of effective ministries put on by mega churches. I'm glad that mega churches were able to allocate two clergy persons and a $10,000 budget to a new ministry ... but that doesn't help small churches in need of good ideas.

I want to be a mechanism of change. I want to work behind the scenes encouraging United Methodist congregations to use techniques that stick. Our churches should do more than entertain kids. Our churches should do A LOT MORE than bore kids. Our churches should make kids into Christian adults.

I'm filled with doubt this day. There's nothing unusual about today. It's a normal day and I'm filled with my normal doubts.

I doubt God. I doubt that God is faithful, or just, or merciful, or any of those other nickel and dime words that we don't attribute to anyone but God because they don't mean anything to us. Just like God.

I doubt my ability to overcome sin. Any sin. Not any particular sin. Or God's ability to overcome sin in my life. Or my ability to live for God with or without the sin.

I doubt that I want anything other than to be comfortable and well fed and away from pain. I doubt that I will be able to hit "Publish Post" without some redemptive ending that proves that I'm really "missionary material."

And I have a lot of things that I don't doubt. I don't doubt that doubt itself is ultimately good and healthy. I don't doubt the Christs I've seen. I don't doubt the Christ I've been. I don't doubt my salvation or my calling.

I doubt that I can every really love. I see old couples with this enduring love ... and I don't think I have what it takes to make a commitment like that.

I'm okay with the doubt. I don't see it as some albatross. There's nothing abstract or symbolic about my doubt. My doubt is as real as my faith. They are inextricably linked and I praise God for that. ... oh and there it is. I am Missionary material!

I feel that my brain is on auto-pilot. I keep doing really dumb things. Like, running into walls dumb.

I'm in limbo. In every sense of the word.

It's a little weird. There's a lot going on, but I feel a good peace around all of it.

I sent in my formal application to the General Board of Global Ministries. It's such a huge step to have the first round of paperwork finished. I'm playing the waiting game in some very significant ways. The application process takes between 6 to 9 months. It's like I'm pregnant.

I'm heading home this weekend ... which should be fun. It will be a crazy whirlwind of a weekend, not a vacation by any means!

Sorry I don't have anything important to say. I wrote a poem ... which I have considered putting it up here. I'll look at it again in a few days and see if it embarrasses me yet.

I'm proud of you for voting for John McCain. His policies line up with your own. I think with your super-strong opinion on the issue of abortion it would be morally wrong for you to vote for Obama. I know that your strong morality comes from your Christian faith.

Now I want you to be proud of me. I want you to be proud that I voted for Barack Obama. His policies line up with mine. I want you to understand that MY strong morality comes from my Christian faith as well. I know our main issues are different, but I need you to understand that Barack Obama stands for moral issues I also stand for.

I believe it is inhuman for our government to even consider torturing our prisoners of war. John McCain, who was at one point a prisoner of war and should know better, supports current methods used. I mourn the fact that I belong to a country that would use torture for any reason.

I believe this war in Iraq is unjust, unprovoked, and a moral failure of our country. John McCain would appoint men of strong military leadership who have supported this war as cabinet members. I mourn the fact that I belong to a country that could be brought to war because of fear of an invisible enemy. I mourn the fact that thousands of Americans have died in vain. I mourn the fact that many more Iraqi's have died because of my sin and the sin of others like myself who have failed to stand up to our government in the face of this unjust war.

I believe that it is morally wrong to discriminate against gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, and trans gendered people. The truest expression of our faith is how we treat each other and the people around us - and I see little faith expressed towards the GLBT community. I mourn the fact that I belong to a country that allows hate-mongering to trump love and commitment in the marriage debate.

I believe that abortion is wrong. However, I believe that legislation is not the answer. Countries with no abortion rights have statistically similar levels of abortion (illegal abortion) but significantly higher levels of women dying because of failed (and successful) abortion attempts. I mourn the fact that I belong to a faith that believes the only way they can bring true change on this issue is through legislation. I believe abortion should be safe, legal, and exceedingly rare. No legislation can accomplish this ... only the love of Jesus Christ acted out in big ways can do this.

I want you to be proud of me. I want you to realize that for me, voting for John McCain would have gone against my own moral conscience. A moral conscience built by my strong Christian faith.