Barneyisfat

I have enjoyed this time of silence. 

It's funny to think that I categorize this time as silent.  There's a baby who wails awake every four hours like clockwork, and a sister who loves sharing a good story as much as I do, and a daily list of running and projects.  But this is a time of great silence for me. 

I continue to be poked and prodded by different doctors and specialists as we continue to ascertain just exactly what is wrong with my body.  For now, we have set everything into the category of "side effects of Lyme disease" but we continue to do large scale tests and comprehensive bloodwork to rule out any of the more pernicious possibilities.  I have finally found a doctor that I like and with whom I feel a sense of confidence and trust. 

I have had time to stop and reflect on everything that happened in the last year, to process fully, and to move forward.  I can look back with a great sense of peace knowing that I did was I was called and asked to do, and that God continues to bring peace to the situation and new life to those who yearn for it.  I have spent time with some of the most amazing, life-giving, Christ-centered people.  I have napped with an infant most afternoons and listened to good discussion about challenging topics. 

God continues to challenge my cultural value of business.  It seems that we are all much to busy to sit and talk and enjoy one another. 

This has been a time of silence for me. 

Silence is often scary and uncomfortable.  We reach for the radio or a familiar TV show to replace the silence with white noise.  It is in the moments of silence that we can be most strongly challenged. 

These last few days have been tremendously painful.  I felt pain, loneliness, and a sense of loss that I haven't felt so deeply since the tragedy.  Uncertainty, fear, and rejection. 

These feelings are no stranger to the follower of Christ.  Jesus was no stranger to these feelings. 

But the silence has been helpful.  The silence is part of the journey, and the journey continues.