Tomorrow at noon I will officially be finished with my job at Camp Glisson in Dahlonega, GA. I have had a great summer, really. I had some difficult weeks and some "OPPERTUNITY" campers. Oppertunity camper is our way of saying bad camper. It was a challenging time of growth and maturing for me. I have made a great number of new friends while working here and will probably became fairly active in the YAMT of North Georgia.

Tonight we are giving sacrifice gifts. A sacrifice gift is, in short, something that you don't want to give up but decide that you should - given to a fellow staff member. A lot of people give up stuffed animals or bibles. I'm giving up a condem key chain, a little mouse, and a football shaped paper. I know it doesn't sound like much, and maybe someone who gave up their Bible will be a little upset to recieve it - but, here's the story.

The key chain - My friend Igor in Russia was completely repulsed by the fact that I was still a virgin. In Russia an 18 year old man is rarely a virgin. I explained that I loved God and knew that God had a plan for me. I explained that God had a plan for him and that no matter what he had done God still loved him and had a plan for him. He decided to give me the keychain because he didn't fully understand, but he knew there was something to this God I loved enough to refrain from sex.

The paper in the shape of a football - I decided to serve God in Russia. Not just for the 4 months I was there, and not just for a few times on and off. I decided that I was called to live and work in Russia and that I needed to share the Gospel there. I wrote out a prayer - promising God my life as a servant in Russia. I folded it up and tucked it away.

The little mouse - In Russia I had a friend named Roma. I called him Romachka (the diminuitive form). He was only in 7th grade, and yet he was bold enough to try and talk to me the first day I was in Russia - even when the oldest kids were still afraid to try. He and his mother made me the little mouse made out of beads. I never got a chance to share my faith with Romachka. Some day.

The things represent that God still uses imperfect people who rely on God, that God has a plan for us, and that if we follow him that plan will come to fruition.

I know at first they might laugh at me - I was even asked to reconsider what I would give - but, these are the most precious things to me.

(I found this post from my first year blogging, I never posted it, but I've decided to go ahead and post it now.)

"What the heck is going on in our churches that we revere the big Bible on the table but we ignore the broken woman in the pew? We polish the brass cross but we push aside the confused teenager?"

That quote is from my godfather, Bill Beatty. He is the associate pastor at a large United Methodist church that struggles a lot with appearances and avarice. I love this quote. It made my facebook page.

Well, what the heck is going on? And more importantly, what can I do to change it?

First, I'm going to gripe. (I realize this accomplishes so little, but really I do feel better after a good gripefest.) Kane First does a number of things that could be really great outreach oppertunities. We wash cars, rake leaves, and sit outside quality. These are, of course, not outreach events, but, rather - fundraisers. Yes, that's right. Every time we as the church are interacting with non-church people it is to try and get them to give us money. What silent message are we sending with that one?

I was reading a book about how to teach Sunday School and our teaching messages. Do people learn how to use computers by listening to a lecture about computer techniques, unscrambling the word MEGABYTE, and then be given a chance to turn on their computers at home after the instructer is far away. NO. Why does the church still teach in this fashion? Why don't we present Christ in a relevant fashion?

Being a first year student at a Bible College last year I didn't need in depth Bible studies from my church - I got those (graded!) every day. I didn't need the church for deep community - Every guy (almost!) that I lived with was a committed Christian. I needed help balancing a checkbook, escaping cafeteria food, and help with a malfunctioning car. I got a few meals during the year, but I also recieved a lot of in-depth Bible Studies and people interested in giving me deep community.

What do people need? People need help getting from brokeness to wholeness. Why do we have AA meetings? Because the church sucks? If we were each willing to be open and honest we could all come forward and share our brokeness with each other. (We could, what? BEAR EACH OTHER'S BURDENS!) I want to see a church where it's okay that you are an alcoholic, that you do drugs, have sex with many different people. It's okay, not in the sense that we hope you keep doing it, but, rather - it's okay in the sense that we don't recoil.

One of my Counselors in Training friends from Camp Glisson shared with me one day. We sat down and talked one day about her drug use, sexual encounters, and lack of belief in Christ as anything but a good guy. She was startled when I didn't flinch or recoil with each sin she laid on me. When I failed to faint after she admitted to having sex and using pot, she started bringing out the big guns and eventually everything was on the table. I was very real and told her that I felt that a lot of the stuff she had done were unacceptable, but that God loves her. I was able to share how God changed my life and be real. We had a real discussion about faith and love. I was the first person she talked to in her three weeks at camp who listened past the fact that she was having sex and doing pot. I'm the only one who didn't tell her all the reasons why those things were wrong.

The church needs to move past listing sins and get in the business of salvation.

I was able to have campers for a little while. Now I am helping the nurse in the infirmary.

Today a girl came in who hurt her foot while playing dodge ball. To my best understanding it got caught under a door? Well, it was bleeding and we gave it a band-aid. She couldn't put any pressure on it so we put her in a wheelchair. She will come back later and if it swells up it will show that it is broken. I logged "band-aid/wheelchair" in the medical log.

It got me thinking a little bit about how we treat hurting people. We try and fix the problems that are visible. We stop youth from swearing, and let them know that it is never acceptable for them to swear in church. Does such a band-aid help a broken foot? What if we let them swear, but got them talking about God? What if we searched deeper? Would we be willing to manually filter out the F-bomb while we talked with people about a God who loved them, or would we reinforce the idea that the church is a place where they have to pretend to be better than they are (because otherwise - God will get angry!)?

Why does the church offer so many band-aids when a whole world is broken internally? Don't get me wrong. I support 12 steps and addiction recovery groups, but .. well, they aren't enough. Jesus is enough ... more than enough, even. He is the answer. He isn't a crutch used by a person with a broken foot - he gives you a new foot ... and leg, eyes, ears, and heart. He is the cure. Praise God.

Stream of conscsiousness blog.

I'm feeling very good today. I enjoy a calm, cool Georgia day. The author of "Eats, shoots, and leaves" wrote a childrens book about commas. My God, I need that book. I suck at comma placment. I think it's called "Why, commas matter!" Or something like that. I enjoy dark chocolate a good bit. One of my campers gives me dark chocolate anytime he does something wrong. I have eaten a good bit of it this week. I didn't eat breakfast an am hungry. I will miss the last staff meeting of the summer. I forgot yesterday and have a job today. Oops. I enjoy syrup a good bit, but I like making PB&Js out of French Toast. I wish I had eaten breakfast. I like Corrie TenBoom a good bit. I really need to work on finishing that book about God for class. I should check and see what I need to do assignment wise for that. My roomate started a Facebook Fanclub about himself. Aww. I wish I could spell concisouness.

I had some withdrawal symptoms after I stopped taking my pain killers and muscle relaxants. It was pretty bad considering I only took them for 3-4 days. I got pretty crabby and was shaking and everything. I slept for 12 hours and didn't get up until 3 PM. I was pretty good after that.

I bought a re-furbished ipod for $160. It is normally $300 so I think I got a pretty good deal. I'm not sure if there will be something engraved on it that I don't like, but - hey, I wanted to spend about $150 on an ipod, but I wanted the $300 model. It worked out perfectly for me. It should arrive during the week! Hooray for gadgets.

I hope to take some pictures this week. I looked into getting a job at Camp Barney (jew camp) but the salary would actually be less than here. Sad.

I want to be allowed to dance. I don't dance well - I have literally no rhythm - I can't even clap my hands in any pattern. Yet, I think that at Toccoa Falls this is the biggest issue for me. I want to be somewhere that looks at the Bible in a relevant and real way. I have been praying about this a little and my plan for now is to go to Toccoa for the next year and streamline my schedule to open up more time for ministry and the real education that God has in plan for me. Teaching my friends what I have learned about Christian community, interning in little ways with Joe Peabody jr. as he starts The Water's Edge, and working with a solid growing church (Toccoa First United Methodist) is of paramount importance.
Yes, the degree is important - but, I no longer feel especially called to Toccoa Falls. I plan (this is all a little sketchy at best) to intern with the United Methodist Society for missions in Russia (Kazahkstan, the Russian Far East, or Moscow) for 9-11 months. I can go after Annual conference '07 and be back before Annual conference '08. This will count for only 3 credit hours, but it seems to make more sense in the long run. Besides that, I feel incredibly compelled to go to Russia. I have really been praying about whether I just want to go back to Russia or if this is God's will. I'm pretty sure that it's God's will and not mine. That makes me happy.

Completely unrelated and propably not blog worthy in any sense: I compare myself to a plum if each person had to choose a fruit that described them. It doesn't take any effort to get to the real deal. It is sweet and rarely subtle. It has a pit, but then again something without seeds isn't considered a vegetable, and I would rather have a pit that gets spit out than seeds that get stuck in your mouth. I love plums, but when I bought some and offered to share them with my friends no one wanted any. I feel like a plum. Nobody wants me, but I know that I am a person of worth because of what Christ has done for me.

Sorry about being so emo. I'm going to go eat a bowl of sadness for breakfast. I love all of you and am glad you are praying for me.

I love the transformative power of Jesus the Christ. Right now I'm struggling with issues of realizing that I am loved. A lot of people with whom I am friends are gathered together, and I was hanging out with them - I really felt like none of them liked me. I know that many of them love me, but a few people said things that hurt me ... I doubt intentionally. I really am starting to doubt that I will graduate from Toccoa Falls. I like the college and love my group of friends, but I feel so discontent there. I love my new friends from Camp Glisson, but I always feel like I don't belong in this group of people.

I'm so happy for Rebecca. She just moved to Erie? Yeah, that's a question. I will talk to her in 20 minutes. I'm glad that her life is moving in the right direction. I started thinking about what I would do if I didn't go back to Toccoa Falls. I want to move back to Russia - this time for some long term stuff. I just feel so compelled to go and so motivated to do it now. I know that I will be better prepared and better off as a missionary with my degree from Toccoa, but how can I accept a degree from a school I don't agree with. At first I was completely okay with the idea of going to a school that I didn't share any values with. I didn't see a problem with that, and I figured it would grow me as a person. I have grown, but I have been beat down a lot by people who disagree with me. I haven't been built up in love very often, and I often feel frustrated.

I used to know that that was where God wanted me. I didn't have any doubts. I know that God still has work for me at Toccoa First UMC and at The Water's Edge UMC, but I don't know about the actual college itself. I could train new leaders and wrap things up so that I wouldn't be needed at Toccoa and the Water's Edge within a year.
I want to begin serving in Russia as a full time missionary. I'm afraid that if I wait until I have my degree that I will be in debt and won't have the courage to go out on my own to a strange place. For some reason God is giving me that courage now.
I want to go to a college where I can minister to people. I believe that God could have it in His plan for me to switch schools at any moment.

So, in sumation. If God called me today to leave for a foreign country tomorrow would I be able to do it? I would like to think so, but I know a lot of things are holding me back. Why should I let things like school, a degree, or The American Dream hold me back? I shouldn't.

A Quick message from the churches of America to Jesus the Christ:
So sorry to tell you this under these circumstances, but, well, we don't want you anymore. We realize that your practices and preaching fall on neither the left nor the right of our current political divide. That makes us uncomfortable. We really don't like homeless people, black people in large groups tend to make us nervous, and on the gay issue half feel that full inclusion is best and the other half just hate them. We realize that none of these are really pleasing to you; so, we felt it best that we ended the relationship before things became to serious. I know this might be hard for you to take - considering you died on a cross for us and all we ever did was mess up and play religion. It's us - not you, really.

"The Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve." - Jesus the Christ. I believe that Jesus is a liberal. I don't mean that in the political sense entirely. I don't believe Jesus would support abortion, I question how Jesus would feel on gay marriage, I'm never certain what other political ideals Jesus would support or not support. I do know that Jesus would be radically liberal on issues of the poor, the sick, minorities, women, and gays. I know he would serve all of them with all of his heart. I don't doubt this for a second. If this means that Jesus would vote for gay marriage, immigration rights, or socialized medicine I don't know.
I don't think I need to be politically liberal to be a liberal. I don't have to stand for a liberal theology to be liberal. I feel that when I represent a liberal Jesus with my life it is when I am living lavishly. When I pay for my friends' dinner at a restaurant, when I look past someone's sin to the person of worth that God created, when I serve my campers when I have zero energy - at these times I feel I represent a liberal Jesus. A servant heart and the beattitudes represent to me a liberal Jesus.

I know that Jesus would be opposed to big business and corporate interests taking priority over the homeless, I don't think Jesus would like people to have easier access to guns, I'm not quite certain that the right wing represents our Lord as much as they claim to. I feel that when one political party or another claims a cornerstone on the Gospel that something is lost. Jesus is lost, in my opion when that happens.

We have politicized Jesus so much that sometimes I forget what he stood for. Sometimes. I know that my King died for truth, freedom, and love.

TRUTH - the thruth is that Jesus Christ died for our sins. We must each individually ask for His forgiveness and grace, but it is always available.

FREEDOM - Jesus Christ is freedom. We try and make our country more free, but we fail so horribly. Jesus can free us from addiction and chains - he can take away our sin.

LOVE - There's a reason He hung on that cross. It wasn't mandated, it wasn't political, it was love. Love held him up and Love lifted him up on that third day. In the same way that a capital H in the words He and Him represent God - for me Truth, Freedom, and Love all represent God.

I'm labeled a lot at Toccoa Falls, praise God that I am labeled as a loving liberal.

This hasn't been an easy week for me.

We did Sparrowwood wrestling on Monday night. The plan is to make everything very fake and very WWF (I know - the same thing.) Sparrowwood is a camp for children and adults with mild to moderate developmental disabilies. We put on a good show for them and they laugh a lot at us.

My good friend Michael is one of their counselors and was telling us about how often kids thought that he was a Sparrowwood camper and would be really nervous around him until they found out he was "normal." Michael suggested that I dress us like a Sparrowwood camper for the hour that parents are bringing their sparrowwood campers - so that I would realize how stupid people are when they talk in a different and often demeaning tone of voice to the mentally challenged. I decided I wouldn't because it might appear to be mean.

Well, one of the immature staff heard this all and when a Sparrowood staff (a very mean and agry staff member) got angry at him he told her that I was going to dress up like a Sparrowwood camper for wrestling. She went to my boss and we had to have a big section meeting about it. I came off looking like the worst person ever.

I have been having back pain right about where my kidneys are. After 3 days of 12-16 ibuprofen not helping I was still in a lot of pain. On top of that I had my boss (still angry at me because I supposedly made fun of retarded people) yelling at me for not putting my best effort into it. He made all of my kids wait for me on the porch before lunch. I was in the staff lounge waiting for the bell (which they decided not to ring for that particular lunch -the first time all summer.) My kids all yelled at me for being late.

My boss yelled at me for getting cereal before all of my kids had all of their food. They keep telling us "campers first - always put the campers first" but they built a 3 million dollar building that campers aren't allowed in.

After lunch I went to the doctor and found out that I am only having back muscle spasms. Hey, at least my kidneys aren't failing. One of my campers was switched out of my cabin and into another cabin. He was accidentally put in the wrong age group, and this is seriously the first time a camper has ever been switched mid week. I realize that none of it was my fault, but I feel like the worst counselor ever - I have 4 kids while everone else has 6 kids, and I don't feel that I have energy enough to take care of the 4 of them.

My battery is almost dead - if it were a staff member I would tell it to get re-charged and then not give it any time plugged in. Then I would get angry at it for not being good enough.

I'm sorry if I sound bitter. It's probably just the meds talking.

I have 4 great guys - all fairly shy, but very well behaved. I hope to be able to help them grow closer to God. I hope my back stops hurting.

I had a camper this week who based his entire view of life on what others thought of him. He was a middle schooler in other words. There were obviously some deep seated fears in his life, and a horrible picture of what being a man is.

I realize that the difference between me and him is that I realize my identity is in Christ. He feels his identity is entirely wrapped up in how he acts and what other people think about him.

I'm sorry I'm not writing long blogs. I'm so much more ADH... Oh look, a butterfly ... D now that I have been with campers for 6 weeks.

I wish I could convey to campers that Christ is how they should define themselves. My camper would always lie about how much he can bench - how sad.

I think I will use Humpty-Dumpty next week. I did two chapels back to back this week. It was difficult to pull off, but both went off without a hitch. I enjoyed doing it. I have 4 great campers and two little demons. It's been an interesting week.

I'm so exhausted. I'm going to go sit down now. Love man, more later.

P.S. Bekke got into Physician's Assistant school at Gannon!

I'm so physically exhausted. I'm also excited about middle school age kids next week. I am thinking about using Humpty-Dumpty for a chapel about Nehemiah. (Except, of course, Humpty will get put back together again.)

My grandparents are in town. It was quite a suprise that they actually showed up. We had a lovely Communion service, celebration, and then went out for Ice Cream. I'm meeting them for breakfast in the morning.

I'm glad to read that Bill Beatty thinks Jesus was a liberal. I had a camper (not in my group) that I started talking to. He told me about his marijuana addiction. I realized that he would have been quickly kicked out of my college, and out of most youth groups. We loved on him, and by the end of the week he decided that he needed to change his life. If we had yelled at him and condemned he would have been gone on Monday.

On Thursday before chapel we had our activities cancelled because of the rain. We had our kids sit in a circle and discuss the hardest thing they ever had to deal with. We heard the kids tell of sleeping with girlfriends, cutting, anorexia, etc. We cried and were real. It was beautiful. I believe that is what the church should be.

I'm so tired. Going to bed.

I just finished up playing a game of fruitball (baseball with pieces of fruit and tennis racket!) and decided I better stop in and say hi.

I'm reading a book on creating a culture of "Come as you are." I am loving the book. I still so strongly believe that churches need to love. The author keeps driving home the point that people ,no matter where they are, need to feel welcome at the church. I love that idea. I realize that I have never been to a church where I have felt comfortable being real. I take that back.

I live with 50+ staff members here. They all love Christ and each other. I love it. I saw the church my first week at camp when I had a diverse group and we embraced it and loved all over each other. I have a great group of friends at school who love each other.

We had camp-out last night. It rained so we slept in the gym. Tradition mandates that we need to have a camp out every week. Just because we can't actually be outside of have any fun doesn't mean we can't sleep in our nice comfortable cabins. Our churches have so many traditions. There are so many things that we don't even know where they come from. One of our traditions is only accepting those that look and act like us. We want people to adapt to our customs before they can show up for our worship service. I want to fight against this.

Well, battery is about to die - gotta go.

Another great week of Senior High camp is going on right now. My group did a moving chapel last night. I'm really enjoying to get to know my guys - I really hope to be able to make a difference in their lives.

I sent a letter asking for an application to be a youth director at a church in Commerce, GA today. I know the pastor and am hoping that he will let me apply. I figure that I am probably a little young (only being 19 I think I am way too young) but have felt so pulled by God to at least apply for the position.

Well, I'm going to go set up for lunch. My group has had two lazy days, and tommorow won't be too much more activity. I love it.