Barneyisfat

I love the transformative power of Jesus the Christ. Right now I'm struggling with issues of realizing that I am loved. A lot of people with whom I am friends are gathered together, and I was hanging out with them - I really felt like none of them liked me. I know that many of them love me, but a few people said things that hurt me ... I doubt intentionally. I really am starting to doubt that I will graduate from Toccoa Falls. I like the college and love my group of friends, but I feel so discontent there. I love my new friends from Camp Glisson, but I always feel like I don't belong in this group of people.

I'm so happy for Rebecca. She just moved to Erie? Yeah, that's a question. I will talk to her in 20 minutes. I'm glad that her life is moving in the right direction. I started thinking about what I would do if I didn't go back to Toccoa Falls. I want to move back to Russia - this time for some long term stuff. I just feel so compelled to go and so motivated to do it now. I know that I will be better prepared and better off as a missionary with my degree from Toccoa, but how can I accept a degree from a school I don't agree with. At first I was completely okay with the idea of going to a school that I didn't share any values with. I didn't see a problem with that, and I figured it would grow me as a person. I have grown, but I have been beat down a lot by people who disagree with me. I haven't been built up in love very often, and I often feel frustrated.

I used to know that that was where God wanted me. I didn't have any doubts. I know that God still has work for me at Toccoa First UMC and at The Water's Edge UMC, but I don't know about the actual college itself. I could train new leaders and wrap things up so that I wouldn't be needed at Toccoa and the Water's Edge within a year.
I want to begin serving in Russia as a full time missionary. I'm afraid that if I wait until I have my degree that I will be in debt and won't have the courage to go out on my own to a strange place. For some reason God is giving me that courage now.
I want to go to a college where I can minister to people. I believe that God could have it in His plan for me to switch schools at any moment.

So, in sumation. If God called me today to leave for a foreign country tomorrow would I be able to do it? I would like to think so, but I know a lot of things are holding me back. Why should I let things like school, a degree, or The American Dream hold me back? I shouldn't.