Barneyisfat

The youth pastor did my second least favorite thing last night. After his sermon he asked for "everyone who wants to do great things for God to stand up!" After everyone was standing, he said "if you don't really want to do great things for God and give everything over to Him, go ahead and sit down."

Like any shy, insecure middle schooler would ever sit down and face the onslaught of condemnation from his or her peers. I wish I had sat down. It's not that I don't want to do great things for God ... I do. It's that I'm not sure I can give everything up right now. Part of me feels that I won't ever be able to give everything up. I believe that God still takes me as I am. I'm sure he's not jubilant about the sin that remains, but he still loves me and will change my heart in His time. So ... who's up for Mediocrity 4 Jesus?

I've lost my passion. It's a desert place - a valley. I'm okay with it. Valleys happen. It doesn't mean that I'm a bad person or a bad Christian. It doesn't mean that I hate Jesus. I still love Jesus - I just have trouble showing it right now. I don't need expectations. I don't need hyper happy Jesus Freaks to tell me that they are "praying for me." I don't need condemnation. I need people to be honest with me and to love me without abandonment. It's what everyone needs.

I'm not alone. There are probably dozens of kids who wish they had sat back down last night. There are probably a lot of kids who feel like a failure for lying to God in front of people they love. It happens.