Most often we fail to fully embrace the eccentricity of the birth narrative as described in the gospels. We sterilize the story and trap it in a box of religious zeal. It becomes holy and sanctified until we are no longer suprised by it. It was a “then” thing. But, could you imagine the story happening today; the unlikely cast of characters:
Elizabeth: The old biddy of a pastor’s wife who gains a few pounds and suddenly thinks she’s pregnant with a special child. She might be right, but with a suddenly-mute husband and a new-found Buddha belly things aren’t looking to bright, not to mention her youngest cousin …
Mary: The 13 year old “virgin” who somehow managed to get knocked up. Oh sure, she’ll be memorialized with a stoic face, full of grace; but tonight she looks scared as hell. We want to judge her, but we recall our own past and remember that no one is truly pure; remembering our own sexual transgressions we wish to keep hidden – and we say a little prayer of thanks that we never ended up with child-support payments or a young one of our own. The ladies at Bible Study, who all agree that she hasn’t been coming faithfully enough talk behind her back, “Poor dear, God bless her sinful little heart.” Not to mention her poor fiancé ….
Joseph: The man with one marriage behind him about to marry his new bride; she’s pregnant and he knows he isn’t the father. The fool will probably marry her anyway. He believes her angel stories. Men will believe anything, it seems. Or maybe he just doesn’t have too many prospects left. So they travel out of town because of an edict, darn governmental red tape, and try to find even one last room happening upon …
The innkeeper: The foreign-born hotel owner who is finally getting ahead during the mid-season rush, with a full hotel, and a strange couple looking for the last room in town. He knows that every two-bit motel is full tonight, and he’s compelled to help. He can’t just send a pregnant woman out into the cold, can he? Maybe they could just sleep in the lobby or the old tool shed out back? If only he had known just what he was in for and who all would show up …
The lowliest shepherds: The mill-workers pulling extra hours at the mill to make a few bucks to spend for the season. Living a gritty, grimy existence, covered from head to toe with grease, they claim to have seen an angel pointing the way to a better existence. They claim to be honest men, but you know how people in their profession act, I’m sure they saw an angel – they probably saw some little green men, but there were others …
The wise men: Men with expendable income, excess time, and no wives to keep them at home? In a modern retelling they would have to be the gay. Three queens, riding in from the city without a clue about the small town culture. Bringing lavish, pointless gifts: Gucci bags, Prada shoes, and enough hair care products to last a baby with no hair at least 3 years. There is just one other player …
The Baby King: Perhaps the most sterilized, trivialized, stock-character of them all in our classic tale, but perhaps the one who was originally the most scandalous. Th’incarnate one; Christ the Lord. It’s bad enough that God leaves his post in Heaven, but that he takes the form of a baby? God, being passed around by greasy mechanics and rich queens, simply coos and smiles.
It doesn’t fit on a Christmas card. It doesn’t have a pretty bow. There are loose ends; we’re left unsatisfied. Mary can’t prove she’s a virgin; Jesus can’t prove he’s the King. We have unreliable witnesses or witnesses with tarnished testimonies – you take your pick. There’s nothing certifiable about the whole story, you aren’t sure if you want to tell your kids (especially your 13 years old daughter) all the details.
So Mary become the heroine of courageous faith, Joseph the honest man of valor, the shepherds show up clean with white sheep, and the wise men seem to have a point and purpose. It makes a beautiful Christmas card – we come to accept it as easy fact … but we fail to realize the scandal behind the story. We see these people as plastic figurines and it sets our minds at ease.
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