Barneyisfat

Some days I want to rant.

Some days I want to cry.

Some days I want to flee.

Some days I want to rejoice.

Some days I do all of the above.

I want to say that Jesus spent a lot of time in bars. I want to say it, because I believe that the functional equivalent of that statement is true. Jesus Christ, friend of sinners. The Pharisees thought that Jesus was a drunkard because of the crowd he hung with.

I've wasted 20 precious years building a good reputation. I have one of the best. My good reputation proceeds me. I can't enter a bar without it being a big deal. Everyone was shocked that I went to play pool at the Buckhorn.

God, please allow me to play pool in bars with people who have never heard of you.

There's a part of me that wants to let go and let God. There's a part of me that wants to find myself at the end of a dark, scary alley; cold, yet at peace, knowing that God has guided me there and will see me through. There's a part of me that wants to grip onto every selfish thought I've ever had. It's easiest if I hold on to my comfortable life. Plush comfort, good reputation, nice church family.

God, please allow me to find myself in situations I never asked for, never expected, and could never dig out of on my own.

When I was in High School, until 10th grade, I only hung out with the Christian kids. We formed a clique and never strayed. At some point I left and began friendships with sinners (or at least those who openly acknowledged their sin.) My Christian friends were heart - and some feared I was no longer a Christian.

God, please remind me to look outside of the church for friendship.

I've gotten back in the Christian crowd - and I'm unhappy. My family isn't happy that I could ruin my reputation ... but I'm so damn tired of the choir boy routine. Most days I don't give a damn about the poor: some days I care less.

God, please forgive me for my transgressions. I have not loved with my whole heart - or even the biggest part.

This break reminded me of the need to "go into all the world." That starts right here. In dark alleys, in filthy houses, in smoke filled bars. The invitations I'm handing out are addressed to people the world would scorn. Christ has come for this!

God, forgive me for craving comfort more than I have ever craved you.

Amen.