This morning, I got really angry at God for giving us free will. It was one of my "less than rational" moments. I just thought, "hey, if we didn't have free will ... I woulnd't have to deal with sin." I became irate at a God who would force his children into a sinful lifestyle by giving them free will.

There were others who lived a life in fear and hatred of God's invention of free will (no, I'm not talking about Calvinists) to the point that they would kill to keep it a secret. The Pharisees were willing to kill Jesus of Nazareth to keep free will from the people.

See, God didn't give us a list of don'ts to placate us and keep us beat down, nor did he make us robots who all automatically follow his every command and utterance. God gave us free will. Most of the Old Testament laws are to help His people stay healthy and happy, but it wasn't about following the rules.

Jesus wasn't very good at following rules. Oh, I believe that Jesus never sinned. He was never outside of the will of God, but I believe that he could have broken many laws without leaving that will. It wasn't the big rules that Jesus was bad at following - it was the extras. The interpretation of the law that broke down the word of God until there was nothing attainable or desirable.

Jesus' disciples (and maybe Jesus) ate from the plants as they walked through a field. The pharisees had deemed that this was "working" on the sabbath. They were, technically, picking the harvest on the Lord's day.

I got an hour gratis for wearing shorts to class. It's a stupid thing to get all up in arms about, but it's extrabiblical - and it adds another rule that "good" Christians should follow.

God gave us free will. We choose whether we want to follow Him and His rule or if we want to go it on our own. Every time we add a rule of what it means to be a "good" Christian the harder we make it for non-Christians to decide to choose to truly follow God.

How human, exactly? I mean, on a scale of 1 to 10, how human do I have to be, Dad? - Jesus. Fully God and fully man. Have you taken a good look at the human race recently? We're so uber-sinful. How could a holy, righteous God live among us? Well, I'm sure that during the incarnation God would seek out the most righteous people on earth. He would reward them for their studies of the scripture and would seek them out to find solace in others who are as spotless as Himself.

But, He lived and loved with sinners surrounding him. He didn't just walk the streets with crowds pushing in - he ate dinner with, asked favors of, and performed miracles for sinners. He didn't seek out the goody-two-shoes of the day to find comfort in - he dived headfirst into a sea of humanity deeper than the ocean. Surely, the Son of God could not allow sin to occur in His very presence without getting very angry.

And yet, the triumphant, militant hero of the male-dominated side of faith, the Jesus who overturned the tables in the temple in righteous fury, is strikingly absent in almost every encounter with a sinner. He doesn't call down lightning fists of fury on the woman caught in adultery, the demon possesed man, the woman at the well, the Roman guard who cut off his ear, the governor who ordained his execution, or the soldiers who killed him. There is an absence of anger towards all of these people. He forgives, he loves, he heals, he graces - but he never gets angry.

And here we are today. Angry as hell at the sinners who deserve to go there. We find our little circles of good Christian people who we can relate to and we don't deviate. We don't want to rock the boat. We have no problem getting angry about sin. Bring up a "hot button issue" and watch us go crazy with rage - that's what Jesus did (?). We take the passage that tells us to avoid the appearance of evil and the passage of an angry Christ ripping up the temple and we justify (not only not talking to, but) hating sinners. We throw out the entire canon of scripture for a lesser God, a lesser faith, and a lesser life.

We take a perfect God who chose to come and love sinners (the very worst of His day) and we declare (from our high and lofty towers) that the passage about the good Samaritan doesn't tell us to love homosexuals, there's no comparison possible. We decide that our comfort is worth more than sinners' souls. Well, I'm very glad that Jesus never shared our passion for comfort.

... like a little child ...

15People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have him touch them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. 16But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 17I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

And I find so much conviction in this verse. And I find so much truth in this verse. I'm convicted because I try so hard to be anything but a child. I find so much truth because deep down I want to be five.

At drama practice a little kid came in and started running around the sanctuary. His name is Alec and he's one of those spoiled brats that can make a strict disciplinarian cry tears of shame. We had used the microphones and when he found out they were on there was no stopping him. We were working on something important and I asked him to please leave. He absolutley refused to leave and started screaming into the microphone. I picked him up (I am literally 3 times his size, after all) and placed him (gently) outside of the sanctuary. He came running back in and started screaming into the mic. I gathered all of my courage and (in my deepest man voice) told him that I would "tell his grandmother you sassed me!" I tried so hard to be both an adult and southern and it failed horribly.

Well, I did tell his grandmother. She made her daughter force the boy to give me a tearful apology. I felt so vindicated. I had such an urge to be the adult that I forgot that Jesus said so emphatically not to hinder the children from coming to Him.

I also know that my biggest dream is to be a kid again. I want to run and laugh and not have to worry about everything so much. I won't lie. I yelled at Alec because deep down my biggest desire is to stand in front of that mic and sing off key or just start talking gibberish to hear the bigness of my own voice.

We live in a country where almost everyone is dissatisfied with their lives. I'm just guessing, but I don't think that's part of God's desire. Sex never satisfies, drugs only numb, and learning only carries you so far. We live in a hurting, fallen world. What if we all tried being more childlike. What if we all skipped like no one was looking, danced like we hadn't taken lessons, sang like key and pitch didn't matter, and laughed like we didn't have a complex about our laugh?

I think this is the very heart of worship and the essence of the gospel. We have a God so filled with love that he doesn't expect us to attain a certain level of knowledge before we can become his followers. He has love enough (and judgement enough) to demand the opposite. "the foolish shall shame the wise." It's a humility thing. What statement could hold more pride than the assertion that one understands God. What statement could hold more humility than rightly ascerting that one can in no way understand the creator of all things - but chooses to follow anyway.

We currently judge spiritual maturity by the national rank in Bible quizzing or doctoral degrees in theology. That's stupid. That's not biblical. Jesus doesn't say that we need to enter like a child and then grow up really fast.

This weekend I frolicked in the grass, played on the train tracks, and went skinny dipping. I think next weekend I will watch Veggie Tales, eat cereal for dinner, and swing on the swingset. Maybe the weekend after that I will try to let go of a few of my concerns and hand them over to God. I still let my mom do my taxes ... why wouldn't I let God figure out my finances?

Orthopraxy vs. Orthodoxy

I've realized that acting out what I believe is more important than knowing exactly what I believe.

It's been a long decent. I've lost my claim to evangelicalism. I've lost friends. I've made enemies. But, at the end of the day I realize that I've made progress and after my "decent" I've finally found a breath of fresh air.

I've argued the "Arminianism/Calvinism debate" - so desprerately trying to make clear in my own mind and world what God didn't find fit to make clear in the scripture - so many times, but I know how God feels about the poor and marginalized ... and yet I do nothing.

We marginalize the distinct and clear and maximize the obscure and ambiguous when reading scripture. We find 6-9 verses (depending on interpretation) that mention homosexuality as a sin and we build a doctrine that shuts out sinners from the grace of God. We have church splits over baptismal procedure - both denominations know that we need to love our friends, enemies, and everyone inbetween.

I don't know what I believe. I'm not sure if I believe in the virgin birth, I don't know if people who have never heard the gospel go to hell, and I'm not sure that I believe the Bible is inerrant. But, I do know that there is enough in the scripture that I do believe that I can get a start on living out my faith. I want a right living. I want to love the poor, the marginalized and the sinners.

I want to live radically. I see a church that has a lot of orthodoxy and no orthopraxy. We know exactly what we believe but we don't act on it at all. I think that if the church focuses on orthopraxy we won't deny all orthodoxy. I just believe that if your'e living right you will want to know why you believe that.

In times when I'm not sure what I believe about the little things - but I know how I should live.

I'm overwhelmed and overcome. I'm overwhelmed by the homework that has cropped up on me after a relaxing week of break. I'm overcome by the emotion of Good Friday.

We say it so casually. "Jesus died for your sins." We sound like we're selling a sweater.

In reality, it's too much to bear. The whole story. Scene by scene, play by play, moment by moment; the very Son of God chose the most painful, humiliating death invented. All of our sin. The sin of the child molesters, the prostitutes, the gossipers, the whores, the liars, the heretics, the gays, the gay-bashers, the racists. All of our sin. The very Son of God chose the most painful, humiliating death invented. Moment by moment, play by play, scene by scene. The whole story; it's really too much to bear.

We're so flipant about it. "Are you crucified with Christ?" There's no way in hell I'm going up on that cross (not my will, but thy will be done) I won't be mocked and humiliated (forgive them father, for they know not what they do) I didn't do anything wrong (he was pierced for our transgressions) at least I'm not a [insert name of most despised sinner-group] (whatever you do for the least of these you do for me) I live a pretty good life - I go to a Bible college, don't drink, only smoke occasionally, and lead at my church (it is by grace that we have been saved, through faith - and not of ourselves that no man may boast.) "Are you crucified with Christ?"

I'm directing a Good Friday Passion Play. I cried when I wrote the script because I realized how casually I throw around the whole "death and resurrection of Christ" thing. When the girls were reading through it they read it with no emotion. So true to life it hurt. How do we convey the greatest sacrifice the world has ever seen to a people who won't sacrifice their pew to a visitor on a Sunday morning? How do we give new life to the death that turned the sky dark? How do we show the grief of the sins of the world to a people who find it socially unnacceptable to cry in public?

And we keep on doing what we do best. We continue to gossip, but we only gossip in Christian circles. We continue to judge people based on race, class, sexual orientation, and disability, but we insulate ourselves from that by staying in close knit packs.

The sin of the world on his shoulders - for this? For me? For TFC? It's not biblical, but I believe that love held him to that cross. The Love of a Messiah. I don't think we could screw that up - as hard as we might try.

What are we teaching?

You get one or two free sins every day.

After you've used up all your free sins for the day you start a sin-debt. You can earn forgiveness from those sins. Going to church will get you three sins forgiven. If you go to sleep in church you only get one sin forgiven. If you get something out of the message you get a fourth sin forgiven.

Just plan ahead. Remember - secret sins don't count. As long as its done in private it's not really a sin. It's only the public sins that are really bad. Jesus had lengthy sermons on "avoiding the appearance of evil" and the necessity to avoid sinners at all costs.

What? What? What?

I was watching an SNL re-run from the 70s. It was a mock interview with a halloween costume supplier who had come under fire for some unsafe costumes. The interviewer would show why the costume was unsafe and then the supplier would give a few technicalities to get by. Johnny Space Costume was a plastic bag and a rubber band to be worn over the kids face. Johnny Invisibly Pedestrian was an all black outfit. (He countered that the costume had a very clear warning that it was not for blind kids.) The final costume was a Johnny Fire Suit - oily rags and a lighter.

He wouldn't budge on any of the costumes no matter how dangerous they were.

I see a church that's a little afraid to admit failure. We teach a message different than what we believe. We believe in a gospel of grace - but people can abuse it so we will give them some guidelines.

I believe in a scandalous grace. One where everyone gets at least 6 free sins every day.

A Freeing Exercise

The next time that you commit a major sin - ask forgiveness right away.

I'm not talking about a little sin; like telling a fib to get out of eating vegetables or claiming your non-recently deceased parent as a dependent on your taxes.

I'm talking about the big sins: murder, adultery, pornography, lust, heresy, etc. The big ones.

Ask forgiveness right away. A few hours later - when something reminds you of your sin and you are tempted to ask forgivess again - don't. Don't do it. Don't even think about it. The next day, when the guilt of your sin is again on your mind, and you aren't sure if you asked for forgiveness with enough sinceriety and guilt, and you begin to think that you should beg for forgiveness with more shame in your voice - don't. Don't even think abou it.

For this is the very essence of the Gospel of Grace we so boldly preach: If Christ has forgiven you; you're forgiven. If Christ has set you free; you are free indeed. Although the guilt and shame of your previous sin might haunt you for days, weeks, months, or years - know this; Jesus doesn't remember your sin. That shame doesn't come from God - He doesn't know what you feel so guilty about.

The next time you commit a major sin; ask forgiveness right away, be forgiven, and never ask forgiveness for that sinful moment again.

Homework assignment

Paul G. Heibert wrote an essay, "Evangelsim, Church, and Kingdom," which I love. His main point is that we most often choose one of these as the main thrust of our church or mission agency and sacrifice the others.

We make evangelism the main thrust of our mission and we can write letters to our supporters with big numbers of converts. We like big numbers, but supporters like big numbers even more! Heibert says that we create churches that become "holding pens"(155) in which Christians wait until God takes them to Heaven. I love this imagery, but am immedaitely ashamed that we have really done this. We have made evangelism (and that initial committment) an end in and of itself. In a book for the church planting class I learned that the average time a person spends in the church after conversion before leaving entirely is 8 weeks. How is this even possible? I guess that explains how everyone in the south is "saved" but only 27% go to church.

Some make the church the main priority. People can't tell their friends about their own faith, so they invite them to church and assume that they will come to a saving faith through that. Our main goal is a membership number - so if we have to water things down a bit to get that number up ... well, it's all in the name of the church - so... okay. I can think of a number of churches that have this problem. We become "ingrown and self-serving," and we're okay with that. Most of our budget is consumed with maintaning the church building we have built and the ministries that we keep around for sentimental reasons.

The third reduction is a Kingdom focused church or mission. The idea is that our main focus becomes the Kingdom of God. We fight for righteousness and peace. I have a problem with this because I can't think of a local church with this problem. I know that the United Methodist mission agency (GBGMUMC) is very social justice oriented. I'm guessing that it started with a great emphasis on the Kingdom of God - but eventually went away from that and now just focuses on making the world a better place.

The solution is easy - just have an equal emphasis on all three! I love the solution. It's like the passage when Jesus says that all we have to do is be perfect like God. It is really easy to say - but boy it's nearly impossible to do it. It's almost laughable to think that any group is really putting an equal emphasis on all three. "With the King comes the Kingdom. The two are inseparable linked. When we preach Christ as Savior and Lord, we speak of his rule in the lives of his people. "

Can you think of any examples of a church of mission agency that is really emphasising all three equally?

Now that my blood pressure has jumped dramatically I will close out the window for the Philosophy Club. I just can't stand being along the sidelines of a good argument. But, I know for my own sake (I do claim to be a pacifist) I must refrain from commenting.

[{Michael erases his two paragraphs full of commenting on different threads, writing very un-christlike things, and tearing down his brothers in Christ.}]

I think the Christian church could do a lot better if we could define love. I watched a short clip about writing the screen play for Brokeback Mountain. They kept throwing around the term love. Now, I'm liberal enough to believe that homosexual love is still love ... but it's not real love. Neither is anything we see on TV or the movies. People hooking up - that's not love. People getting married after brief encounters - that's not love. The world teaches us this message that's really easy to believe - lust=loves.

If you're a 7 your goal is to date an 8. You can stoop to a 6, but don't go near a 5 or a 4. We look on the outside first. There's a huge pressure to get married. Parents demand grandkids, high school reunions beckon, and the world preaches the message that you can't be single and happy.

Well, I'm single - and I'm happy. "We can live without sex, but we can't live without love; Jesus is love." -(a monk) Mary and I joked about living together. I think I'm serious about it now. I don't think we could handle married life. I don't want a wife and kids to raise support for. If I was single I could just pick up and go anywhere in the world. I wouldn't have to maintain an empty house in the states for my return. I wouldn't have to find a girl who (a) has the exact same calling as me (b) is so submissive that my calling is naturally hers (c) will have to give up a career for my missionary work. Mary can do whatever God calls her to do - and when I'm in the states we could live together.

It's just crazy enough that it might work.

I believe that love is much, much more than lust. When I was learning Russian I was bewildered by their usage of the word love. You love food items, but simply like other stationary things. Then I began looking at how we use the word love. When two people get married because they are both 7s and it seems right and we call that love - well, we've perverted the word. I believe that love is only found in Jesus Christ.

I'm still trying to figure it out. A man in my Sunday school class handed out $25. He gave everyone in the class a new dollar coin and thanked us for being such a good class to him and his wife over the years. I was still waiting for the teaching moment when he sat down.

Now, there are a few people in my class who are driving cars from the late 90s, but everyone is financially independant. We have very wealthy people. A dollar coin is a drop in the bucket for almost everyone in the class. (Everyone except me!)

I still think about it. What did it mean? Was it one of those truly great teaching moments - one in which the lesson hits you days later?

Maybe it was done to get us thinking about where we are giving our collected money. We spend a lot of our money on ministries to keep ourselves going. Maybe he was trying to show us how silly we look when we spend our tithed money on ourselves instead of the truly poor and needy. A dollar is a kind gesture to a homeless man, but almost a nuissance to a wealthy man.

I'm truly perplexed.

"I'm stupid enough to think that anyone cares how high my SAT score was ... 1320, by the way." - me.

Mutually Exclusive - I think that's the term I'm looking for, but I can't think of any specific examples.

We try and make everything so confusing in the church. It's easier for us. Do you believe the Bible is the Word of God or do you hate Jesus? Why can't I think the Bible "contains the Word of God" and be madly in love with Jesus.

We have surveys that ask, "did you enjoy our service or desire to become a member?" Yes? No? We make everything so confusing.

"Have you decided wether you are a Calvanist or an Arminiaist?" What? No.

We confuse everthing. We work harder trying to "avoid the appearance of evil" than we work at actually avoiding the evil.

I'm beginning to feel that we miss the boat on a lot of things ... but ... I also think that maybe it's God's way of getting us to walk on water. It's a stupid analogy, really a twisting of words. But - if we miss the boat we are in the water. Well, that's at least one more Christian who isn't in the boat - terrified of the storm and especially terrified of getting out of the boat.

If I had been bold enough to use words where a facial expression sufficed I would have hated myself. There was a crippled black man at my church asking for help. Probably financail, propably for booze. It doesn't matter. I think the pastor told him that he would be right back and then went home. I was working on something. I smiled, pathetically, as I walked by him. If I had been forced to use words those which would have escaped would have been "I'm sorry, I'm too busy doing ministry to talk to you."

I think I want a T-shirt that simple says "Judas" across the front. It's appropriate.

I've spent so much time rationally trying to decipher God that I've missed the boat. I'm not Jesus ... if anything I'm Judas. I'm too stupid to realize that I'm not a genius. I'm too proud of my "ministry" to talk to someone in need. Father forgive me.

I bought a new couch. I paid $150 for it. It's a super-high quality couch that folds into a bed. It's a 1940s style "Klick-Klack" couch. It fits perfectly in my home theatre room (only bachelors and millionaries can have "home theatre rooms") I just can't shake a feeling.

I'm surrounded by poverty stricken people. Not that $150 is a huge amount of money. Not that anything in my house (life) is ostentatious. Not that my car is extravagant. Not that I'm eating steak too often. Not that $150 would feed a lot of people.

I have all these reasons to not feel bad about my purchase. I've spent less than $300 on my house and it's pretty pimped out. I'm frugal and conservative. I'm not in debt.

And yet;

I can't shake this feeling. I have food to eat at every meal. I never go hungry. I have a church family that loves, supports, feeds, nurtures, and guides me. I'm so incredibly blessed by God and His family. There are so many people who exist beyond the walls of the church. There are so many people who don't have enough furniture. There are families who don't have any meat for their children.

I'm just trying to reconcile my purchase of a sofa. How can I reconcile paying $17K a year to go to a private college?

"But there was no prayer in Joel's mind; rather, nothing a net of words could capture, for, with one exception, all his prayers in the past had been simple concrete requests: God give me a bicycle, a knife with seven blade, a box of oil paints. Only how, how, could you say something so indefinite, so meaningless as this: God, let me be loved." - Truman Capote, Other Voices, Other Rooms

The Seby Jones Library at Toccoa Falls College doesn't have any scandalous books. If there isn't a "Christian Reader's Companion Guide" to a book, the book doesn't belong in our library. I have to go to the town's public library to read Maya Angelou, Virginia Woolfe, and Truman Capote.

I've been finding myself up against a wall. I can't decide if I have fallen for the secular/sacred trap or if I can, in any way, rise above it. I listen almost exclusively to christian music, but I feel bad that Christian movies suck so volumiously. I find that I have the truest appreciation for art that focuses on God. But, only if the art deals truthfully with God.

When, in "Fighting the Giants," the protagonist's football team wins states and his wife finally gets pregnant I get pissed off. The crippled father miraculously stands to give his son the final motivation he needs to kick the winning field goal and I both get chills and the sudden urge to vomit. This isn't a truthful portrayal of God. Well, it could be. Yes, God can and occasionally does choose to bless the socks off of a person. But! Suffering builds character, Christianity doesn't guarantee an easy life, Jesus died a painful sinners death without any roses or sequence floating from His cuts, and the rain comes for both the good and the bad.

Truman Capote deals truthfully with the idea of God. The main character in "Other Voices, Other Rooms" doubts very much in God, but prays his wish lists just in case. In "Music for Chameleons" Capote gives an autobiographical interview from one self to the other. Truman answers, when asked if he believes in God, "I believe in nature... (etc)" Truman yells at Truman for lying. (Paraphrase)"But, you do believe in God. You believe very much and want nothing more than to be reconcilled to God, but feel that you can't."

Truman Capote probably wasn't often encouraged to attend church or teach Sunday School. He was "a funny." That's the truthful view of God and Christianity. We serve a God with love overflowing who would send His son to die on a cross to graciously cover all of our sins so that we may be reconciled to God ... and yet we can't find it in ourselves to offer that same grace to "a funny."

I wish that Truman Capote had been a Christian. I wish that someone had offered him the Grace and Forgiveness that only Christ can give. I wish that in his final interview he could have told Truman that he not only believed in God, but love Him with all of his heart.

There isn't a "Christian Reader's Companion Guide" to his work. But, I believe that Christian's would have a fuller understanding of God if they read his work.

And other chapel sermons

Blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, anointed, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, anointed, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, anointed, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, anointed, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, anointed, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, anointed, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, anointed, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, anointed, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, anointed, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, anointed, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, anointed, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, anointed, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, anointed, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, anointed, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, anointed, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, anointed, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, Sanctification, blah, blah, blah, blah, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, Savior, blah, blah, blah, blah, holiness, blah, blah, blah, blah,

Good prophets, Peculiar Prophets, and prophets who just need to get stoned

Landa Cope told us about prophets. It’s been a number of months since she spoke at our school, and yet people are still talking. I can’t imagine a better definition of a prophet. She chastised us for our lack of prophecy. She yelled at the Christian community for being reactionary at best. There’s a school shooting and the response from the Christian community is “school shootings are bad!” Her question: “Did God tell you that?”

A prophet should be a compelling voice – a word of God spoken into the lives of the people, without concern for who will heed, and without fear of repercussion. Landa challenged us to get past personal salvation. She knew it would grind some gears, but it was what God had for her to say. We live reactionary lives. Our world evangelization plan rarely differs from foxnews’ talking points. Our news is all about Islam so all of our missionary focus should be on the Muslim world. A decade ago after the collapse of the wall all of our focus was on Russia and the post-soviet world. Today the church is finally starting to blossom in Russia and in parts of the post-soviet world. When India is the big news story our missions focus will go there.

A prophet doesn’t care what the news media is saying. A prophet doesn’t repeat what he or she learned in a Bible class. A prophet doesn’t need an approval rating.

{Prophets speak out when nobody wants to hear it. “I know the plans I have for, says the Lord” – plans to prosper you, of a hope and a future. This prophet spoke these words to a fallen empire being led away in chains to captivity.} [Prophets stand dangerously close to heresy. “But you tell me, Landa, I’m saved! I’m glad you’re saved … now what are you going to do about it?” Boy, this pissed people off. There were lines of people wanting to kill her for taking the emphasis off personal salvation – in our evangelical world the “Sinner’s Prayer” (trademark, copyright) is more important than feeding the poor.] {Prophets speak the truth in love. This phrase, this damn, meaningless phrase “the truth in love,” what does it even mean? My personal feeling is that speaking the truth in love means putting love above speaking the truth. If you know a persons faith won’t survive a harsh reprimand – don’t’ reprimand them. If they are in a culture that emphasizes “saving face” only confront on the most important of issues. I’ve had a lot of people tell me the “truth in love” by yelling, getting angry, and choosing to ignore my feelings and needs. I think we miss the boat on this one, I don’t think a prophet misses the boat.}

Several Bishops speak prophetically. The UM Bishops signed a letter calling for a peaceful resolution in Iraq (and condemning the war) long before it was fashionable to do so. Bishop Willimon writes a blog titled “A Peculiar Prophet” I read it weekly. His writings shock me sometimes, and I think they should.

Some self proclaimed prophets feel that they are doing the will of God just because people don’t like them. It pains and frustrates me to see people alienate non-believers, those with little faith, and those with hardened hearts with the premise that they are to be a prophet and that means condemning sin. It’s a thought process. The church that holds up “God Hates Fags” signs probably consider their actions prophetic. They feel that if God is opposed to a sin, and they let those people know that God is opposed to the sin, that they are doing God’s will. It’s a thought process.

A prophet stands up against the secular crowd … and the church establishment. A prophet in a Russian church would stand up for gay rights in a country where gays are routinely physically and sexually abused. A prophet in an American church would stand up against expensive cars in the parking lot and pricey chandeliers in the bathrooms.

It's a double hitter today.

Anna Quindlen is beautiful. Her writing leaps off the page. Every sentence is worth reading - and most are worth quoting.

"Feminism killed off Miss America, but not in the way originally intended or predicted. It didn't manage to overthrow unrealistic and bizarre standards of female beauty; if it had, Hollywood wouldn't be chockablock with bobblehead starlets who think an oyster cracker is an entree. And it didn't succeed in liberating women from being seen as sex objects, not when porn star Jenna Jameson can natter away on television about her career as though she were a bank manager. ... The people who run the pageant are embarrassing themselves and all the Miss Americas who were Miss America when Miss America meant something, although no one was entirely clear what it was. Kids get to stay up until midnight all the time now. Jiffy Pop goes in the microwave. And Miss America is cooked. Let it go. Just let it go."

And that's just talking about Miss America! I want to write like Anna. Ms. Quindlen, I nominate you for President.

It's the kind of day where you just want to get back in bed and go to sleep.

I had an extremely difficult test. I didn't have time to make lunch so I grabbed some Subway. It's been so long since I've eaten fast food that it made me sick. I tore the entire backside of my pants our getting into my car. The guy at the full service station accidentally gave me super-extreme gas (so I can go from 0-60 in 3.5 seconds, but I was charged 2.63 per gallon) when I know I asked for regular. I forgot about my homework for a class - it's not on the sylabus so when I checked to see if I had any homework last night I thought I didn't. A handicapped woman pulled out in front of me on Broad st and almost killed me, and then proceeded to drive 35 the ENTIRE FRICKEN WAY to school. I was a minute late for class (1 minute!), but the professor always makes a really big deal if you show up to his class late so I went home. I'm sitting on my bed right now fighting off the thought of "make the world go away" and trying to gently remind myself that "His grace is sufficient."

[[[I have been scarred so deep by life and cold despair,and brittle bones were broken far beyond repair.I have leveled lies so deep, the truth may never find.And inside my faithless heart, I stole things never mine.If mercy falls upon the broken and the poor,Dear Father, I will see you, there on distant shores.I have toiled for countless years and ever felt the cost,and I've been burned by this world's cold,like leaves beneath the frost.On my knees I've crawled to You, bleeding myself dry.But the price of life is more, than I could ever buy.And off of the blocks,I was headstrong and proud,at the front of the line for the card-carrying, highbrowed.With both eyes fastened tight,yet unscarred from the fight.Running at full tilt, my sword pulled from its hilt.It's funny how these things can slip away,our frail deeds, the last will wave good-bye.It's funny how the hope will bleed away,the citadels we build and fortify. Good-Bye.Night came and I broke my stride,I swallowed hard, but never cried.When grace was easy to forget,I'd denounce the hypocrites,casting first stones, killing my own.You would unscale my blind eyes,and I stood battered, but more wise,fighting to accelerate,shaking free from crippling weight.With resilience unsurpassed,I clawed my way to You at last.And on my knees, I wept at Your feet,I finally believed, that You still loved me.Healing hands of God have mercy on our unclean souls once again.Jesus Christ, Light of the World,burning bright within our hearts forever.Freedom means love without condition,without beginning or an end.Here's my heart, let it be forever Yours,only You can make every new day seem so new.]]] - Five Iron Frenzy, On Distant Shores.

That about sums it up right now. This song has special importance to me. Other than just being amazing, this song was found by a friend when he was about to give up on God. He found the lyrics on a piece of paper, placed precariously on a rock, on a windy day, at the bottom of the Falls. This song gives hope when I refuse to.