2 comments and then a blog.

I know that people get very excited about politics, especially the presidential office, but President's Day is not the type of holiday that merits a new car. No exceptions.

Julie Andrews = Amazing.

The Blog.

I gave up meat for Lent. It wasn't so much a fast as it was something to do and try. I support an Isaiah 58 view of fasting. I ate three hamburgers yesterday. It was a mistake.

That's how a lot of sin is. It isn't so much a David and Bathsheba sin, but a sin of omission or mistake. It's easy for a church to give a list of Shall Not's. It's easy to keep a score card. "Yep, I definetly slept with my secretary and coveted my neighbor's ass." It's a lot harder for a church to admonish the conregation to feed the hungry and take in the homeless. "Yep, Jesus said, 'you'll always have the poor' guess I'm off the hook!"

When United Methodists collectively confess in a liturgical fashion our confession doesn't focus on which rules we have broken ... it focuses on where we have fallen short. We have failed to be an obedient church. We have not loved you with our whole heart. We have not loved others.

There are a good number of sins that (although I believe they are sin) I believe we put too much emphasis on them. We think that murderers should be put to death, but Christ told us that we are all guilty of murder. Few people think that adultery is acceptable, but Christ made it quite clear that we all do it.

I think that what Jesus was getting at (among other things) was that following after God isn't a list of Shall Not's. Christ came to fulfill the law, well ... okay. What does that mean. There's more to God than the law. We disect our Savior until all that is visible is the law. We try and break down, theologize, exegete, and explain the life, death, and resurrection of our Savior ... and somehow we end up with a list of rules.

God isn't interested in how many rules we can follow or how well we can follow stated rules. He's interested in our hearts. Right now my heart's not where it should be. I haven't committed any "major" sins (or at least I won't admit to it!), but I have committed the sins of omission. I have failed to love God with my whole heart. I haven't fed the poor, clothed the naked, or visited those in prison.

I'd like to believe that it's because I'm too busy trying not to drink or that I've been consumed by the pursuit of not dancing - but I know that it is because my heart is still selfish. I'm working on it.

Paradigm shifts, etc., etc.

We had a youth ministry adult meeting tonight. We plan all of the dates, events, and schedules and the youth come up with what we will do on them. It's a flawed system, but a system. A woman spoke up. She wasn't supposed to. You aren't supposed to speak up at a meeting like this. It isn't a town hall meeting. It's a meeting where we give a nod to the dates and congratulate ourselves on being committed volunteers. But, she spoke up. She asked for more regularity in our youth group schedule, more out of the box thinking, and new priorities.

I'm glad she spoke up. The youth program at my church is a well oiled machine. We have youth Bible studies, worship, fundraisers, and retreats. Only a small number of adults have to interact with out future. It's mostly kids and college age kids. We've created a subculture in the church and all the older folks need to do is occasionally make a good slaw and complain about the clothes the kids where to church. That's all that we ask of them.

We have an amazing summer planned for the youth (some days only 3 come, but it's all planned - every day!) full of adventure and fun.

I have a problem.

I wish I could speak up.

I have a problem with a lot of what we do.

I wish I was brave.

I don't think Chandler gives a flying fuck what game we play in youth group. I don't think he cares what movie we're going to watch on Wednesday night. It's not important to him. He's forced to show up and he knows he's going to hate it. He's angry all the time - if we play a game and it looks like his team is going lose he sabotages the game so we have to stop playing and put everything up. He's never been on a losing team. The ministry he needs isn't a well oiled machine.

Emma doesn't care what worship songs we sing. She's only concerned with how she looks. As long as every hair on her head is bleached blonde and in the right place she's going to be happy. She comes to be with her friends.

The kids started a food fight tonight. I guarantee you it was more fun that whatever activity we had planned.

We stopped our Friday night outreach because we had too many kids and too few chaperones. WTF?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?! we had too many kids? What does that even mean? I don't care if we have to hire TFC students to come out and hang out with the kids - having too many kids is NEVER a reason to shut down a ministry!

The programs we have created for youth ministry are outdated, at best. The ministry our youth need goes beyond games and worship time. The kids aren't worshipping - they're singing. Does that mean we stop worship all together? Maybe. (I don't think there's a better way to take the Lord's name in vain than to sing it in a song with no praise or worship in your heart.)

We need to think outside the box. We need to have more regularity of doing something every Sunday night. We need new priorities. She wan't supposed to speak up. It wasn't that kind of meeting. But she did, and I think that God is pleased.

I find that my theological views are diverse. After several sessions with my psychiatrist and many tearful nights I have discovered that I'm not truly a liberal. It's shocking, I know.

Compared to the average Toccoa Falls Student, I'm heretically liberal. Compared to the average United Methodist Bishop, I'm a Bible Thumper. I find that I am too liberal for my conservative circles and too conservative for my liberal circles.

I support unoquivocally gay rights ... but I'm also morally opposed to debt. I support a woman's right to choose ... but I still refuse to watch a trilogy because I think they mock the trinity. I am opposed to both war and the death penalty ... yet I am strongly opposed to mixed gendered wrestling (especially in mud or jello.) I hate big business ... yet I still shop at Wal-mart. I deny the innerancy and infallibity of Scripture ... yet I still believe that almost every word applies to daily life. I think that anyone who doesn't agree with global warming is an idiot ... yet I still litter when no one is looking.

I'm theologically and politically diverse. Now I'm going to go and cry and try to cope with my pain.

I invited my Sunday School class over to the house for a Valentine's party this Saturday. I attend an older adult class (as most of you are well aware) and have quite a time defending my actions to some younger adults (I think they just want me to join their Sunday School classes!)

I've decided why I like my class so much. I think. The youngest Christian in the room because a Christian 16 years ago. And, these older adults have all figured out that although they have been a Christian for so many years they haven't got it figured it out yet. None of them are perfect, and as far as I can tell none of them are putting too much of an emphasis on perfecting themselves or removing all sin. No one is spending hours every day trying to figure out the correct theology. But, when they see a need they snap into action.

I've got some pretty screwed up theology most days. My theology changes from day to day. How I understand God is often based on my understanding of people (especially those who love Him.) We as Christians are a reflection of God. The verse we read today said we are like a mirror's reflection - and I figured out that in those days mirrors were horrible and gave a very poor reflection. I'm a lot more willing to accept that most Christians are a horrible, dirty, skewed reflection of God. I don't keep theology papers because I know I will disagree with what I wrote a week after I turn it in. If I don't watch myself I'm going to turn in a paper for Collier some day where I reference the Holy Spirit as "she."

I, for years, spent so much time trying to get a proper theology. I wanted to be able to rationally explain everything so that I could usher people into the kingdom. I never did that - I never rationally convinced anyone to follow God. I argued with a lot of people, hell - I "won" a lot of arguments ... but, I realize that I lost a lot of people while winning those arguments. It wasn't God that I was defending - it was my own intellect and sadly my own pride that I was trying to defend. I could demolish a person intellectually; I always used that verse that discusses always being ready to give an answer for the hope I had. I knew that the answer for my hope didn't rest in anything rational. There's nothing rational about the idea that God came to earth in human form and died the most disgraceful death imaginable so that His blood would cleanse me white as snow. Nothing rational.

But there is something loving about that. Very loving. I'm dangerously close to losing my membership card to the Evangelical Association. I'm not afraid of that anymore. I won't be losing my affiliation with Christ and the saving act He has performed in my life.

I don't have all of my theology correct yet. I'm not perfect. I'm not counting on accomplishing either before my time on earth is done. I do, however, fully plan on living my life to the fullest for my Savior - I want to be able to snap into action when I see a need. I want to be able to do that before I'm 70!

Quick observation from watching Jackass, before I start blogging. Why do we unashamedly say Oh My God, but will never consider saying the F word. There is a clear Biblical command to not take the Lord's name in vain, but no reference in the Bible to a prohibition on cuss words. I mean, yeah - a few - but nothing compared to not using God's name in vain.

The Blog.

I made a really, really liberal political protest in the middle of a church function today. We had a hymn sing. I had just finished singing a solo and we were singing some hymns that the congregation was choosing. One man chose a patriotic song out of our hymnal. I just couldn't sing it. I was so upset at the current state of our country, of the unjust war we are in, and that fact that I am a citizen in a country where people are okay with a war as long as we are only killing brown people. I felt sick to my stomach. I closed my hymnal. I usually sing lustilly with every hymn. By the third line everyone else had stood up in proud reverence to the greatest country on the face of the earth - ever. I sat there silently. I held a closed hymnal in my hands and I prayed for the war to end, for the people we were killing, and for the damage we were doing to the reputation of Christianity.

I just thought of Sophie Scholl. I couldn't help but think of her. In Sunday School we talked about the situation of the world. We talked about the Nazis and the fact that people still aren't brave enough to say a word when their country does something that is morally wrong. I didn't say a word. I wanted to tell them about Sophie, but I know their generaion isn't too thrilled with communists. Today, when everyone stood up during the patriotic anthem ... well, I was still too afraid to say anything - but, I wanted to make a point and let it be known.

People might have just thought I was tired, but to me it was very important.

I also accomplished something today. There isn't enough parking - so I convinced the Trustees to enlarge our parking lot.

One down, a few more to go. My next project is to work on getting the Sunday School fully supported by the older adults. I'm going to work from the Patty Black principle of "Little Methodists make Big Methodists." I'm going to try and get the older adults to volunteer in the nursery during 8:30 service since many of them show up by 9 anyway. I'm going to try and convince them to volunteer with the children's Sunday School program, to pray for the children and youth of our church, to be more supportive of the Team Kid's ministry (on Wednesday Evenings), and to send our kids to church camp. I'm going to ask them to make our children and youth the main priority of our efforts.

I love the movie "Saved!" It's been one of my favorite movies since I came to college. My first RA wouldn't approve the movie because it was rated PG-13 (for teenage pregnancy, smoking, and sexual dialogue?), but honestly, I watched it anyway.

The plot follows the popular crowd at a Christian high school and watches the demise of Mary after she gets knocked up trying to "straighten out" her gay boyfriend. Hilarity ensues. The ending is theologically "iffy," but it isn't a forced agenda ... it just kind of happens.

Since the first time I watched it I have felt that it needed a stronger Christian character. I have some suggestions.

Mary could have come back to her Christian faith re-invigorated and removed from her previous hypocrisy.

Pastor Skip could have openly cofessed his sins and experienced forgiveness.

Pastor's Skip's son could have had a missionary zeal and could have lovingly confronted his father for his sin.

Tia could have risen above the "christian jewel" moniker and set herself apart by truly following Jesus.

Roland could have offered the grace and forgiveness that Cassandra needed.

Cassandra could have accepted Christ and still maintained her empathetic humanity.

But, I guess that's the point. Christians are often just a small step away from truly following Christ. We are all so exceedingly human. There isn't a "good Christian" in the movie because there's no such thing as a "good Christian." You're either a Christian or your not. Attaining some level of proficiency within the Christian faith is a mirage - and not created by the teachings of Christ.

There's a disconnect when our teaching is both that God's Grace is sufficient to cover all sins and that we should therefore avoid all sin at any cost - including, however not limited to, running in terror of the sin that is daily trying to get into our lives.

I've heard the saying that "a bird can fly over your head - but you shouldn't let him make his nest there." It's a good saying, and probably pretty darn true. I'm not saying we should all go embrace a sinful lifestyle and see what sticks. My point complex (so bear with me):

Sin is fun. But, it's not fun enough. I'm no longer morally opposed to sin. God is opposed to sin. His opposition, and not mine, is what makes sin wrong. God has given us freewill to go and sin up a storm if we so desire. Christians often try and stop sin from occuring. We try and remove the freewill that God has given. Christian's think it is unloving to allow people to continue in sin - I strongly disagree ... unless you consider God unloving. If He guides and directs me to call a brother out on a sin, I will. If he makes it clear to me that a sin in my life is keeping me from following Him I hope I would have victory over that sin.

I know this might fly in the face of some scripture, but ... I don't think sin stops us from Christian ministry. I think that as a Christian I can still sin and live in communion with God. I think that sin will grow less appealing to me, but I don't believe I am less of a Christian for openly admitting my sin without immediate self-seperation from it.

I haven't seen a Christian yet who is free from sin. I've seen few who live without sin even most of the time who are truly at peace with God. I'm a sinner and I find myself at peace God more now than ever before.

I watched a new favorite movie today. Sophie Scholl: The Final Days. It's amazing. She is a Christian, communist who is executed for distributing leaflets against the Nazis. It's a beautiful movie. She smokes and drinks and loves God fiercely. She stands up against her country even though many around her think that what she is doing is morally reprehnsible. I wept.

She was brave and courageous. She didn't spend her days in a monastic pursuit of purity or cowaring in her room afraid that she might encounter sin. She embraced God's leading and died for her faith.

That's the point. She was a Christian. Her life and death flowed out of her love for the Creator. Sophie's are rare. There are a lot more people who are just one step away from truly following Christ than there are people who honestly follow Him.

The Confessing Movement

It’s part of a very conservative United Methodism. But, I find that I can often label myself a confessing United Methodist. No, I’m still a liberal - I just think that we should confess our sins. Not to a pastor, priest, or brother – but rather to those whom we have hurt.

Donald Miller writes about this in Blue Like Jazz. He and friends confess to liberal, paganistic Reed students about the many grievances of the church.

I’ve hurt a lot of people in my pursuits following God. Non of those grievances were as a direct result of my devotion to God – all hurt has come from me, following my own will. The crusades were not a call from God. We screwed up. I told Ashley Deane that she was going to Hell because she was having sex in middle school. I told Mike Emer the same thing. I screwed up. God didn’t ask me to tell her that (obviously) but, of my own volition, I chose to impose my self. That’s the only real way to put it. It was selfishness. If I could trap people by their sin it would give me an excuse to show off my righteousness. I was a pious, pompous ass.

I showed off my vast knowledge of the Bible to anyone who would listen. I became a lot more liberal – and a lot more loving during High school. I still screwed up. I discounted people because of their poverty, disallowed individuals from personal ministry because I knew they were sinners, and fought against a disliked pastor.

At college I am “the liberal” drowning in a sea of conservatives. People still leave mid sentence after being offended, yell and curse at me, and talk about me behind my back. I’m not concerned. I did the same things. I would much rather have the scandalous rumors be about me – because I know who I am, what I believe, and the God that I serve – than for the rumors to be about someone who isn’t sure of themselves. I would rather their wrath descend on me daily, than for them to hurt one person and scare him or her away from the Gospel.

I mourn Ashley Dean and Mike Emer. I cry sometimes out of compassion – because I thought myself so good, and my sins so small that I was willing to condemn them to Hell. I never, never, NEVER presented them with the Gospel. I thought I was doing my job by scaring the Hell out of them. I gave them every downside, every vengeful attribute of God, and every verse depicting Hell and never once told them that Jesus died to save sinners. I never told them the truth – that Jesus died to save them from that Hell.

There is a man who writes very angry anti-religious comments on the blogs of Christians. It’s a free country – and hey, at least someone is reading the stuff I write! I’m not angry at him. I’m praying for him. I’ve discovered that hidden behind the dark history of the church there is a loving savior. And, despite the fact that we celebrate his birth on a date nowhere near its actual occurrence (scripture gives us a pretty good idea – and it’s not December), and despite the fact that we are responsible for the inquisition, missionaries who destroyed ancient cultures, and current day bigotry; there is still a love that surpasses all of humanity’s flaws. His name is Jesus. I have confessed a lot of sins to Him. Now, I’m confessing a few of those sins to you. I still mess up. I blog about petty things, I make a mockery of my own faith, and often fail to live up to the love of my Savior. I’m sorry.

It's not a magical wardrobe?

It’s not a magical wardrobe.

I was reading the Bible the other day. It wasn’t for a class. This might not be too shocking from most of you, but as a student of the Bible almost every time I touch my Bible it is for an academic pursuit. It’s sad.

I was reading the Bible the other day. I went from verse to verse – all applicable to my life. I was reading obscure Ezekiel passages that were changing my life. I was thrilled to finally be getting something. I even wrote one passage on a big piece of posterboard to hang on my wall. It was exciting.

The next day I went to open up my Bible for another exciting day of Bible Reading. I got nothing. The magic was gone. I opened the door of the wardrobe that had previously revealed a magical land and walked directly into the back wall of the wardrobe.

It was pretty depressing.

I think I’m starting to have a more childlike faith. I can just imagine a little kid hearing all of the theological mumbo jumbo that I hear everyday and I imagine that child yawning and walking away. Is this a bad hermeneutic – probably. But, I’m bored with the whole “theology” thing. I feel silly trying to sort out my personal doctrines. I’m tired of trying to make clear that which God didn’t feel necessary to make clear. Am I a Calvinist or an Arminianist: Arminianist, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve got my doctrinal statements in a row and it hasn’t helped my faith. I have much less faith today than before I started theological pursuits.

I just want to return to having faith. Some days I want the wardrobe to reveal a magical place where I can walk. Most days I run into a wall. I know I shouldn’t treat the Bible like it was magical. That’s probably a sin – I’ll check my concordance and Biblical dictionary.

Walls

We have to get beyond the walls, people. I’m not actually writing this to those individuals who routinely read my blog because you, more or less, already follow this advice.

Pastor Andy’s daughter is 17 months old. When Andy’s wife, Gretel, brings baby Maggie into church, a swarm of older adults and wanna-be young mothers descend upon the child. It is often a veritable swarming.

Old women squeeze her arms and say “look at those little ham hocks.”(am I the only one who thinks this is offensive?) People continuously try and determine which parent she most looks like. (She had Andy’s head for a while, but now it is obvious that she is going to look like her mother (praise God!).

I’m rambling.

There are babies all over America that will never be held by someone who loves them. The weekly onslaught of well-wishers who berate this baby would do so much good if they would save up those hugs, pats, pokes, and squeezes and give them instead to a baby in desperate need of affection.

In Erie a woman beat her boyfriend with their infant son. Our former associate pastor Joe Peabody, when he was in college, would volunteer in a hospital. His job was to hold AIDS babies and crack babies. They need volunteers. One of my friends was dropped off in a hotel to be put up for adoption. There are babies that need to be held. There are a lot of babies that need attention more than little Maggie does!

Those people who love Maggie need to seriously consider giving that love to a Baby who will be nothing without some level of encouragement and love. We have to get beyond our walls. There are so many little steps. This is a baby step (oh, I adore puns!) for sure, but if we all take a few more baby steps in no time at all we will be busting out of the walls that we have built for ourselves.

In what other areas would a small step out of our comfort zone possible change the world? I’m sure we could think of thousands if we really tried.

(I wrote this last night, but it complements Bill Beatty's blog nicely.)