Barneyisfat

"I have a soul that comes out too late." - Robyn Bone.
My friend Robyn and I were discussing morality. I love his quote. There's something about the truth value in the statement which makes it so appealing. I mess up so much. I have done (and recently, too) some things that I don't want to think about - let alone blog about. I sin so very often. I curse like a sailor sometimes and just pray I won't drop the F-bomb while on the phone with my mom. I fail so often to forgive my Bible and Theology professors. I want so badly to cave to my carnal nature and write a big fat letter to Dr. Hildenbrand and explain to him how he has made me hate the Bible. In trying to defend his preciouse ancient text he has painted a picture of such a narrow, unforgiving, unrelenting god - one that I cannot worship. I belive that the bible is the sacred text for a religion that has little to do with Christianity. In the same way that a textbook clip about George Washington has little to do with my freedom. I'm so angry at my professors. They are so caught up getting the "proper theology" across to the students that they no longer see the bruised hearts, bleeding wounds, or blatant doubt which is so rampant at this school. Good job morons - we know the Bible but it doesn't even affect our lives enough to make us want to tell someone about it. I'm teetering somewhere in-between deciding on lifelong celibacy and going out to have promiscous(sp) sex with lots of random partners. These raging hormones - really God?

And all the time I just wish that my soul would show up a little earlier. I want to be consumed by God - but I'm caught between all the legalism/rules and living in sin. There has to be a balance ... and it isn't one that I can make. I realize, ultimately, that I too suck at grace.