Barneyisfat

Well, I'm going to go see the nurse in the morning. I think I am finally showing signs of having the same disease that afflicts my father. I'm having some side effects that dad has from his diabetes. I have mood swings, I get angry and bitter, and I judge everyone around me for all of their sins.
I had a really bad day today. I got really angry at God and told him I didn't want to deal with him anymore. I'm glad that my God takes me back - daily. I decided that I didn't want to come back to TFC next year. I decided this a long time ago, but I believe it now. I just feel that if I don't get out of here soon I'm going to lose what shreds of faith I have left.
Day in and day out I am surrounded by hypocrites. Not my friends, I love my friends. People don't look me in the eye anymore. That makes me die inside. I can't even explain how ridiculous that sounds to me, but it's the truth. I hate the Bible now - I don't want to pick it up off my floor. How do you suck all the life and vitality out of something so powerful? By forcing students to summarize every chapter in the whole book. Why do we keep offering sinners Hell - why do people keep offering ME Hell? Why do people who never talk to me doubt my salvation?
So, I'm going to go talk to the nurse about getting tested. I don't want to be like my father - ever. I want to get on the right medication and get out of this depressed state. Either way, I'm going to be praying really hard about leaving Toccoa. I'm going (hopefully) to Kazahkstan this summer. I want to make it a year long trip. I hope that if I can get out of the bubble for just a year maybe I can face it again. I want to get off the ark.