Barneyisfat

Perhaps I'm not the most eloquent theologian. Perhaps I swear a little too much. Maybe I don't know all the answers. Maybe I'm too confident when I proudly proclaim that I don't know the answer to a question. Perhaps I speak a little too much heresy. Maybe I take a "your mom" joke beyond the level of decency - perhaps all sex jokes go beyond that level of decency.

I love the story of Hosea. I just finished watching "Memoirs of a Geisha." It's a beautiful modern day Hosea story. In the final scene the Chairman; the man she has loved since she was a little girl, the man who had caught her in a horrible sex act, and the man she still loved even though she felt trapped in a horrible world that prized her sexuality; tells her that although the other men who have loved, used, and abused her don't have it in their character to forgive - but he forgives her. He still loves her.

"I'm sorry, I'm too much of a whore to listen to you." - Me. I'm a whore. (It's okay I'm still a virgin and I don't do any of the "big sins.") I run from God some times. I get angry at God some time. I choose my sin over my savior some days. I'm not proud of it, but I do it any way. I understand Paul - as often as we try to elevate Paul into the Saint we have built - but he chose his sin over his savior some days.

My "Elitist Lover," Rachel, and I were talking about her passion for writing and if she always enjoyed writing. She asked me if ever got tired of telling peopel about Jesus. The answer? Yes. Some days I lose all compassion, inspiration, and faith. I don't want to tell people about Jesus on those days. I don't want to tell my friends about His grace - let alone build relationships with strangers to share my faith. I'm not proud of that.

I believe that God's grace is sufficient. I hate to oversimply the Gospel ... but when we have a message that has been over complicated and stripped bear of love ... well, I don't mind oversimplifying the Gospel. I love grace - at times when I least want to think of theology, anthropology, or church politics I can think of His grace - it makes things better. That's what it does. It makes my whorish life better. It makes my compassionlessness better. It makes my sense of humor better. I'm so thankful for grace.